When you and your boyfriend started living together, you felt great because your relationship had reached such a significant milestone.
Instead of looking forward to new milestones in your relationship, you were disappointed. Eventually, you realized you were the only one contributing to your household because your boyfriend was not.
Why doesn’t your boyfriend contribute to your household? Your boyfriend may not contribute to the household for various reasons, such as his views, being overly spoiled by his parents, lack of awareness or laziness, or even because he is going through a challenging and stressful period.
All this can make you feel disappointed and angry because it doesn’t make sense for you to do everything around your household while your boyfriend chills all day. You might even regret moving in with your boyfriend and questioning your relationship.
In this article, we will explore the possible reasons behind this issue and offer practical solutions.
6 Usual Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Is Not Contributing To The Household
How long have you been dating this guy?
Men tend to differently behave when dating versus living together, similar to when they stop putting effort into marriage.
It’s hard to believe there were no signs that your boyfriend wouldn’t be like this when you started living together, but you obviously didn’t notice.
What are the reasons why your boyfriend does not contribute to the household:
1. He Believes in Traditional Gender Roles
Societal expectations and traditional gender roles can significantly affect how men and women perceive their roles within a household.
Your boyfriend doesn’t contribute to the household in any way and expects to be treated like a hero.
You are in a relationship with a guy who clearly has some values that many would say are dated nowadays.
Your boyfriend has some mindset from the past. He expects that when he comes home from work, his wife will be waiting for him, he will say that famous sentence, “Honey, I’m home,” and that his wife will do everything to make him comfortable.
This sounds like a commercial from the fifties or sixties, and your boyfriend is getting too into that role. You must remind him that the man in the commercial at least did hard work to earn money for his family. That man certainly hasn’t been watching podcasts about toxic masculinity all day like your boyfriend.
2. Your Boyfriend is Spoiled
Who is to blame for this? Of course, his parents. They always did everything for him and did not prepare him sufficiently for adulthood.
Your boyfriend grew up believing that others will do everything for him.
Both parents can spoil a child, but mothers are often more prone to spoiling their sons than fathers.
Your boyfriend is used to his mother doing everything for him. As a result, he now expects the same from you, including preparing his meals, washing his clothes, and cleaning his room.
Congratulations, you are in a relationship and living with a man-child.
3. Your Boyfriend is Lazy
Soon after you started living with your boyfriend, you realized he could be more diligent and hardworking.
In fact, he’s not exactly the type of person to clean up the mess behind him. Constant disorder follows him everywhere, and your apartment’s small messes accumulate into complete chaos.
You feel like you’re living with a messy roommate instead of a partner with whom you should agree on everything regarding the household chores.
It is usual for your boyfriend to leave the trash for days or scatter his clothes around, which can highly annoy you.
This doesn’t have to mean that you’re an excessively neat freak, but you want at least basic hygiene and tidiness in your living space.
Unfortunately, you can’t rely on your lazy boyfriend for that, and you have to do everything yourself.
4. Your Boyfriend is Unmotivated
Your boyfriend’s lack of motivation significantly affects his contribution to your household.
This primarily refers to your financial situation. If you are the only one working, your finances may need improvement.
The problem is that your boyfriend is not even trying to find a stable job.
He thinks it’s okay for him to take his sweet time finding a job while you are working hard for both.
Maybe he’s at that stage where he “hasn’t figured out what he wants to do in life yet.”
He is too inactive and has no clear direction in life. Therefore, he has no motivation to find a job and contribute to the household.
The situation is even worse if he has a victim mentality, and everyone is to blame; he is always the smartest while everyone is against him.
He probably looks for work by playing video games all day and night.
This can make you feel like you’re financially supporting your boyfriend, which is not far from the truth.
5. Your Boyfriend Behaves Recklessly and Irresponsibly
It’s not only that your boyfriend is lazy and unmotivated, but he’s also behaving irresponsibly.
Therefore, he not only does not contribute to your household but even harms it.
This can really be affected if your boyfriend is struggling with an addiction.
Wondering where all the money went? If it’s not obvious, check where your boyfriend spends your hard-earned money.
Most often, these are alcohol or gambling addictions, but it can also be online gaming and many other ways for your boyfriend to recklessly spend money.
In addition to causing financial problems, addictions can also pose dangerous health and safety risks.
6. Your Boyfriend is Going Through a Tough Time
Just because your boyfriend doesn’t contribute to your household right now doesn’t mean he never has and doesn’t want to.
He is currently going through a difficult period and is therefore prevented from contributing, although he would like to.
This may be related to the fact that your boyfriend is depressed because he lost his job. Or he has health problems that prevent him from working.
He may have developed low self-esteem and believes his efforts are insufficient.
What Can You Do When Your Boyfriend is Not Contributing to Your Household?
Your boyfriend’s lack of contribution to your household can lead to frustration, resentment, and tension in the relationship.
In a situation like this, in addition to considering the reason for your boyfriend’s attitude, you must also know how to react.
Here are the steps you need to take:
Step 1: Talk Openly With Your Boyfriend
Maybe this conversation should have been before you started living together, but it’s not too late now.
Talk calmly and constructively to your boyfriend about how his lack of contribution makes you feel.
Also, discuss your and his views on gender roles regarding house chores.
Step 2: Make a Plan for Household Chores.
Housework is something that has caused many relationships to end.
Your boyfriend is unaware of how many relationships and marriages have broken up because of dirty dishes and clutter in the apartment.
It’s time for your boyfriend to understand that he is not just a guest in the house or that you are not like his mother, who will take care of everything for him.
Therefore, make a clear plan for distributing household chores equally; neither of you will feel hurt.
Step 3: Create a Financial Plan
If your boyfriend does not contribute financially to your household and is not prevented from doing so, you must make a financial plan with him.
That financial plan should cover the following issues:
- Do you split expenses down the middle?
- Does the person who works more contribute equally to household chores?
- Do you maintain separate bank accounts?
This way, you won’t feel like you’re supporting your boyfriend financially.
Step 4: Help Your Boyfriend
If your boyfriend is struggling with motivation, help him find a job. Suggest additional education, training, and everything necessary to move him out of complete unproductiveness.
Work together to build his self-esteem and confidence. Offer positive reinforcement and acknowledge his contributions, no matter how small. Encourage personal growth and development to help him feel more capable.
Also, show understanding if your boyfriend is currently prevented from contributing to the household.
Step 5: Keep Your Boundaries
You and your boyfriend have established a financial plan and a plan for dividing household responsibilities equally. It is essential to stick to them unless there are exceptional circumstances.
Don’t let your boyfriend return to his old ways after a short compliance period.
If your boyfriend doesn’t know how to appreciate your efforts and won’t participate, stop taking care of him.
When your boyfriend realizes that he won’t automatically have clean clothes and a delicious lunch every day, he may realize that he, too, needs to take an active role in the household.
What Really Matters Is,
Each relationship is unique and has its own way of functioning.
It is unacceptable that all responsibilities fall on one partner while the other does not contribute to the household.
Therefore, your boyfriend must recognize that his behavior is unacceptable and that you will remain in this relationship if he doesn’t change.