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Why Do I Regret Moving in With My Boyfriend? 5 Reasons

You and your boyfriend have finally decided to take that big step forward in your relationship. The time was right! That’s what you both thought and decided to move in together.

That new life together was supposed to be perfect, but things didn’t turn out as you imagined. In fact, you realize that it was a big mistake you regret, and you would like things to return to how they were before you started living together.

Why do you regret moving in with your boyfriend? It could be due to differing living habits, an uneven share of household chores, financial difficulties, relationship challenges, a loss of independence, or feeling trapped.

woman arguing with husband

Based on these reasons, your perspective on your relationship has changed. It’s possible that your once-perfect boyfriend, who you may have referred to as your soul mate or twin flame, is not as flawless as you once believed.

You are in an unenviable situation because you know the relationship’s balance has shifted.

It remains for you to decide if it is possible to change something in your shared life with your boyfriend or if it is time to pack your bags and leave.

This article is here to help you look at the situation from multiple angles and make the best possible decision.

You Moved in With Your Boyfriend, and You Are Not Happy – 5 Probable Reasons

“Why am I not happy after moving in with my boyfriend?” That’s a question you ask yourself all the time.

You may feel like you’ve made a big mistake, but many others have experienced the same thing.

According to a survey of more than 3,000 consumers conducted by HarrisX, four out of 10 of those who moved with a romantic partner later regretted the decision.

It’s common for couples to rush into living together without proper consideration, which often leads to regret in the future.

What are the most common reasons why you regret starting to live with your boyfriend:

1. Different Habits and Lifestyles

From the current perspective, the relationship was much easier before you and your boyfriend started living together.

Dating was easy. You would meet up at the designated time and easily make plans, and you were able to make the most out of your time together.

Since moving in together, you’ve noticed some differences and realized that your and your boyfriend’s habits may be different from what you once believed.

This is especially pronounced if you start living together too soon. The honeymoon phase of your relationship passed just as you began to live together.

Suddenly, everything that didn’t bother you about your boyfriend bothers you significantly.

Let’s say you’re an early bird, but he’s a night owl. It irritates you that he makes noise all night while playing video games or listening to music.

In addition, your boyfriend is very sociable and frequently invites friends over to your apartment. However, as an introverted person, you require more alone time, which is challenging to obtain with his constant presence.

2. Unequal Share of Household Duties

Ah, the infamous household chores. Many married partners know to get into a crisis because of household responsibilities, let alone couples who have just started living together.

Are you that partner in a relationship who is organized and neat while your boyfriend is messy?

If that’s the case, you must be constantly frustrated that you must clean the apartment alone because your boyfriend doesn’t see any problem with the mess. Everything around him is a mess! Bathroom, kitchen, bedroom… and after him, you have to clean everything up.

This behavior can be attributed to his laziness, dependency on others to do everything for him, poor hygiene habits, and lack of self-awareness.

You definitely overlooked his habits when you were dating because he may have successfully covered them up, but now that you’re living together, he’s completely relaxed.

One thing is sure, you didn’t choose to live with your boyfriend to be his maid, and the only question is how much longer you will endure his laziness and sloppiness.

3. Financial Difficulties

Many couples decide to start living together precisely because of finances. They believe it will be easier to dispose of their finances if they join forces and share housing and living expenses.

That’s what you and your boyfriend thought, but it actually turned out to be much worse for your financial situation.

It is unacceptable for your boyfriend to live rent-free while you support him financially.

Sharing living expenses can be beneficial but also introduce financial challenges.

We don’t want to go into the assumption that your boyfriend is stealing from you because that’s really extreme. What is common is that all financial matters fall on one partner while the other takes advantage of it.

How do you know that this is the situation in your relationship? First, do you have a financial plan you both follow?

Having to cover all the rent expenses and grocery shopping without your boyfriend contributing to the household is a significant problem.

4. Relationship Challenges

Starting a life together is a huge step for any couple. In this process, a change in the relationship dynamics inevitably occurs.

There may be frequent arguments between you two, although they have never happened before, especially not to this extent.

This is because communication breakdowns frequently occur when couples begin living together.

Communication breakdown is followed by misunderstandings and unresolved issues that lead to regret. You can easily think, “Why did I need this?”

There is also a lack of intimacy and romance when a couple starts living together.

You and your boyfriend had no shortage of intimacy and romance while dating. You believed that it would only intensify once you moved in together. However, you and your boyfriend seem to be the most distant now that you are always together.

This can result from getting used to new circumstances and a new way of life.

5. Feeling Trapped

Are you second-guessing your decision to start living together with your boyfriend?

You might feel trapped or stagnant in your relationship after moving in together. The fear of missing out on other life experiences or feeling limited by the commitment can lead to regret.

All this was a huge change for you. Maybe you and your boyfriend have moved to a new city, so you must get used to the new environment in addition to living together.

Do you feel like something is missing even though your boyfriend has been great throughout this whole process?

You may have realized that you were not prepared for that particular milestone and that this relationship may not be the one you wish to continue being in.

What Should You Do When You Regret Moving in With Your Boyfriend?

If you have second thoughts about living with your boyfriend, it’s essential to take action and address your emotions to find a solution. 

Here are some practical steps you can take:

1. Reevaluate Your Expectations

You have to be realistic. Some things will definitely change when you start living with a boyfriend. It is inevitable.

Take some time to think about your expectations before moving in together and evaluate whether they are reasonable. 

It’s important to understand that living together is a significant change and won’t automatically solve all problems, so it’s essential to be realistic and manage your expectations accordingly.

2. Establish Boundaries and Responsibilities

As a couple, you and your boyfriend are on a joint journey and must equally contribute to your shared life.

Sharing chores, finances, and decision-making can help avoid conflict and ensure a fair distribution of responsibilities.

Being responsible for completing all the household chores while your boyfriend lounges on the couch is unacceptable. Feel free to deal with him like a roommate who won’t clean.

Also, it would help if you contributed to your finances together. Even if your boyfriend doesn’t currently have a job, he must be willing to change something and not expect you to support him financially.

3. Encourage Each Other

Building and maintaining a healthy relationship with your boyfriend requires sharing common goals, supporting, and deeply understanding one another.

It’s a good practice to regularly review your personal and relationship goals together. Discuss your desires, dreams, and aspirations as individuals and as a couple. 

It’s important to encourage each other to pursue personal growth and provide support to achieve individual goals.

4. Don’t Let The Spark Go Out

You and your boyfriend started living together, and new responsibilities came; it is easy to get entangled in life’s new challenges and neglect your partner.

It is crucial not to let the pressure of living together and new responsibilities affect your relationship. 

To prevent this from happening to you, create space for romance, date nights, and surprises to keep the relationship fresh. 

Most Importantly – Be Honest

Be honest with your boyfriend but also with yourself.

Take some time to introspect and understand the root cause of your regret.

Give yourself and your relationship time to adapt and grow.

However, if, even after more time and effort on your part, the situation does not change, consider the option of moving out.

Just as moving in can show that the relationship is genuine and long-lasting, it can also show that it has no future.