You had a great relationship in which you were happy, but because of your actions, that relationship is ruined.
Your partner is so mad at you that you think it’s impossible to return to the way things were before. And all because of your thoughtless actions.
What should you do after making a mistake that ruined your relationship? First of all, recognize whether it is possible to fix the relationship. If possible, try to fix a relationship with your partner with the right approach, but if not, move on.
In both cases, it is essential to learn from your mistakes.
You probably feel like the worst person on the planet because you hurt someone you care about and destroyed a good thing in your life. If that’s the case, you even think you ruined your life with this mistake.
In this article, we will go through the following topics:
- What are the common mistakes that lead to the end of relationships?
- Is it possible to fix the relationship you ruined?
- How do you get over regret from ruining a relationship?
Through all these topics, it will be more evident to you what you need to do to move out of the situation where you only blame yourself and instead take concrete steps.
5 Common Mistakes That Ruin Relationships
Every relationship is a story in itself, and it can be shaken by different things, but here are some of the most common reasons that lead to the end of relationships:
1. Cheating and Lying
Although they may be separate, these two reasons very often go together.
No one likes to be cheated on by their partner, and they will surely mention cheating as the number one reason for breaking up.
Did you ruin your relationship by cheating on your partner?
If you did, you must have lied to hide your affair because your partner must have asked you questions like: “Where were you last night?” or “Who is that person you’re texting with?”
Surely you did not give the correct answer to these questions. You told lies. However, your partner discovered that you were cheating on them because no matter how much you thought you could hide it, you couldn’t.
Of course, your partner is hurt now and doesn’t want to be with you anymore after the disappointment and shock you gave him.
2. Jealousy and Possessiveness
Are you someone who always needs to know where their partner is and what they are doing? If they don’t answer your message right away, you already have scenarios about how they cheat on you.
Jealousy is tricky because being a little jealous in a relationship is normal, but it’s terrible when that jealousy becomes irrational and toxic.
Yes, of course, you will react if your partner openly flirts with someone, and that does not make you immature and irrational. But here we are talking about extreme jealousy, and these are its signs:
- You have to constantly check where your partner is and what they are doing
- You make a scene if they don’t reply to your message instantly
- You are paranoid about what your partner is doing and even thinking
- You get upset at the very mention of other people
- You secretly follow your partner to check on them
No one will tolerate this behavior for long because no one likes to be controlled and untrusted.
You have entered a new relationship but have already fallen into an extreme jealousy mood. This way, you’re waving red flags to your partner that they should break up with you.
3. Playing Mind Tricks
Instead of enjoying the relationship, you must constantly play mind games with your partner, who is obviously sick of it.
Mind games are psychological tactics someone uses to manipulate or intimidate another person. They are usually used to avoid responsibility for one’s actions, to shift the blame to one’s partner, or to establish a dominant role in the relationship.
Common examples of mind games in a relationship are:
- Playing hard-to-get
- Sending mixed signals
- Silent treatment
- Playing the victim card
It does not mean your partner will immediately break up with you because of this behavior, but it is possible if it accumulates to the point that your partner doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
4. Taking Your Partner For Granted
You didn’t realize enough how valuable your partner was when you were in a relationship. Now that you are no longer together, you realize their true value and how much they really mean to you.
This can mean various situations, and the most common ones are that you didn’t respect your partner enough and weren’t there for them when they needed it.
Maybe you are one of those people who get too lazy in a relationship. You stopped trying to impress your partner, there is no romance on your side, and even your personal hygiene is questionable.
This behavior is often associated with husbands who change in marriage, but it does not have to be associated only with men.
Another example of this behavior is if you ruin all the special occasions for your partner. How you usually do it:
- You forget important dates like your partner’s birthday;
- You stopped giving gifts to your partner;
- You are not there for your partner when he needs you the most;
- You ruin all vacations and holidays with your reckless behavior.
Even though you thought your partner would put up with this forever, they obviously had enough, so they said goodbye.
5. You Criticize Your Partner Too Much
Nobody likes to be constantly criticized.
There is a vast difference between constructive criticism that does not offend your partner and direct criticism that hurts them.
What do you usually criticize about your partner? Well, more or less everything. You blame them for being too lazy, for cooking badly, for having a lousy job.
You may even criticize your partner’s physical appearance, which is especially rude.
In this way, you indicate to your partner that everything they do is not good enough and that you think you are better than them.
This kind of behavior easily leads to emotional abuse that makes your partner feel insulted, humiliated, and misunderstood, affecting their self-esteem.
Is it Possible to Fix a Relationship After Ruining It?
It all depends on what you did to your partner. It is possible to make things right if your partner still has feelings for you.
Here’s how to do it:
1. Reach Out First
There was probably a big argument where many hurtful things were said on both sides.
Since it’s your fault, it’s logical that you reach out first, regardless of what your partner told you. Your actions made them do it.
2. Accept Your Guilt
Don’t try to make lame excuses, and avoid what you are guilty of.
You won’t get your relationship back this way because your partner will think you don’t seriously understand how much you hurt them.
Apologize, but don’t do the same things that hurt your partner after you apologize.
3. Acknowledge Your Partner’s Feelings
How would you feel if your partner did to you what you did to them? It sure wouldn’t be a nice feeling for you, would it?
That’s why you have to validate your partner’s feelings, and even after apologizing, let them know that you understand their feelings and that they have a right to be upset.
Give your partner time to process their feelings.
4. Make Things Right
Ask your partner what it takes to make things right.
When your partner tells you what you need, make it your mission, and don’t let yourself make the same mistakes again.
5. Learn an Important Lesson
Mistakes teach us important lessons.
We hope this mistake opened your eyes and you will not repeat it.
Because you realize your partner’s importance now better, and you must never take them for granted.
How to Move on From The Relationship You Ruined?
Some mistakes are unrecoverable and can be the sure end of a relationship. And in that situation, how you act is important because, with the wrong approach, you can do even more damage to your ex-partner and yourself.
Here’s how to handle that regret in the right way:
1. Apologize to Your Partner
An apology is essential in both cases. Your partner deserved that much because you hurt them.
The apology doesn’t have to be personal. You can write your ex-partner a message. Don’t go into details because you are not trying to win your ex back.
You just want to put closure on the relationship and for both of you to move on.
2. Go No-Contact With Your Ex
The relationship is over. You will not gain anything from stalking your ex.
Especially don’t stalk them on social networks, even though you will be tempted.
Cut off all contact because that’s obviously better.
3. Forgive Yourself
You can’t forever blame yourself for ruining that relationship.
Unfortunately, mistakes are part of life, and none of us are perfect.
We are not saying you should minimize your guilt, but you shouldn’t fall into the vicious circle of self-doubt.
4. Find Healthy Distractions
The guilt can be overwhelming if you don’t know what to do or are alone.
So surround yourself with friends and family during this period to help you get through it.
Also, practice self-care and everything you enjoy to keep your mind positive.
5. Start Dating Again When You Are Ready
Take your time with a new relationship when you have left a previous one that did not end well.
Give yourself time to understand what you did wrong so you don’t repeat the same mistakes in future relationships.
In The End
Regardless of whether your relationship will continue or end, you must learn a valuable lesson for the future.
It’s great to have a second chance to make things right with your partner.
However, if your relationship is definitely over, work on your issues to make the next one more successful.