Is there a worse feeling than being lied to?
You are highly offended because you know he is not telling the truth, but he still lies.
If that liar is your parent, it’s much worse.
Why would a parent lie to you anyway? First, to control and manipulate you, but also to present himself as better than he is, or to protect himself or you.
The matter is already deeply confusing because complex and mixed emotions are involved.
Is only one parent lying to you while the other tells only the truth?
Or are they a tag team of liars who lie to you together and get on your nerves?
In any case, you want to have a good relationship with your parents, but they are the ones who push you away with their lies.
Let’s dive deeper into the topic and see why your parent behaves this way and what you should do.
5 Potential Reasons Why Your Parent Lie to You
Yes, why does your mom or dad lie to you?
Parents are expected to be superheroes, flawless and perfect beings who always do the right thing.
At least that’s what we think about parents when we’re little, but some of that thinking changes later.
So, why? Here are potential reasons:
1. Your Parent Lie Because He Thinks That is Normal
All parents sometimes lie to their children when they are kids, but is it normal to continue this pattern when they grow up?
Some lies were actually meant to amuse you and make the world a more fun place.
Of course, the first thing that comes to your mind are lies about Santa Claus, who brings you presents through the chimney, or the Tooth Fairy, who leaves money under your pillow.
Should we be angry with the parents for trying to inject a little fantasy into the child’s life? We say no.
But it is not good to overdo it either because the child can be too cut off from reality, which can have consequences when the child becomes an adult.
2. Your Parent Lie to You to Protect You
What does it mean when your parents lie to you to protect you?
As a small child, you were probably lied to that the boogeyman would come if you didn’t stop climbing some unstable tree.
Or they told you that you will lose your eyesight if you play video games all the time.
And maybe they lied to you about going to the movies, but then they took you to the dentist you were most afraid of as a kid.
It has undoubtedly happened that when parents have a problem, they probably tell you that it’s nothing just so they don’t upset you.
It may be justified for parents to lie to their kids because some things can be too much for small children.
However, it is wrong if this behavior continues when the children grow up.
That’s how they want to scare you even now.
You want to move to a bigger city, and they are about to tell you fairy tales about monsters living there that will eat you.
All this is just to supposedly protect you.
And sometimes, even not saying something is the same as lying.
3. Your Parent Lies Because He Likes to Brag
This doesn’t sound so bad, it can even be funny in a way, but it really bothers you.
We’ll take your father as an example for this case because dads love to brag.
He probably tells you how he had a difficult childhood and traveled over mountains to get to school.
If he had all those technical things like you do today, he would be a master of science.
He also loves to lie about his accomplishments to present himself as better than others.
Are you familiar with the following scene: Family celebration, everyone is there, and your father has to talk about how he succeeded in something and how he is the best at it.
He has to go all out and tell fairy tales from the army. That is a clear sign that the party is ruined for you.
You might even feel embarrassed because his stories are too fake; everyone can see that except him.
Maybe you enjoyed those stories when you were a kid, but now you’re grown up and know they’re not true.
They also don’t fit the profile of the person your father is today.
You would prefer him to be more understanding towards you instead of supposedly being as perfect in everything as he likes to talk about.
He is not quite as perfect as he likes to say. For example, he remarried and forgot about you.
4. Your Parent Wants to Control You
People who want to control someone will not hesitate to use lies and other mind games.
Lies, guilt-tripping, and ghosting are all tactics of experienced liars.
Is your parent like this too?
Does it often make you feel guilty for something that is not your fault?
Your parent’s desire to control you is getting in the way of your life.
He probably thinks he knows what’s best for you.
That’s how things were when you were a kid, and that’s why you feel like he didn’t raise you well enough to become independent.
You are an adult and work on fixing your parent’s mistakes, but your parent still undermines your efforts.
Do you want a new job because you feel terrible at your current job? He tells you that you will make a mistake and ruin your life.
Are you finally in a relationship where you are happy and want to settle down? Your overcontrolling parent believes that your partner is not good enough for you.
Much of this comes from your parents being afraid you will leave them.
So he plays on the card of his age and your ungratefulness for everything he has done for you.
If he pretends he feels bad physically just to keep you from moving, you have a huge problem.
You feel guilty and like a bad person, and you don’t really know when he’s telling a lie and when he’s telling the truth.
5. Your Parent is a Narcissist
Probably the most painful situation for you.
Narcissists only care about themselves, and a parent should always put their children before themselves.
That’s why your narcissistic mother lied when she said she cared about you and would show up at an important event for you, but she didn’t.
She only sees you to criticize you and elevate her.
Likewise, the father lied that he wanted to see you but only wanted to ask you for money on a loan.
You can’t even describe how emotionally hurt you felt then.
No wonder you feel sad if you have a parent like this.
What to Do When Your Parent Persistently Lies to You? 4 Important Tips
You are tired of putting up with lies, but on the other hand, there is someone so important, your parent.
Here are some tips on what to do:
1. Talk to Another Parent or Family Member
If your other parent is not lying and you have a good relationship with them, talk about the situation you are going through.
You can also talk to your siblings if you have them about this topic.
They may give you some good advice because, indeed, they have been lied to by a lying parent like you.
2. Let Your Parent Know That His Lies Bother You
Tell him how his lies are affecting you.
Don’t feel bad even if you cry when you talk about your feelings.
Let him understand his lies’ impact and how bad they make you feel.
3. Recognize What Triggers Your Parent Lies
We’ve listed the reasons why he’s probably lying. It’s up to you to recognize which one is his.
Also, recognize which stories trigger his lies.
You don’t have to tell your parent everything when you know they’ll lie.
4. Move Away From Your Parent
If you live with your parents and their behavior bothers you, everyone will tell you to move out. That’s logical.
But it must be considered whether you can make such a move.
Work on moving away from your parents, even if they hold you back and don’t want you to be independent.
When you move away, decide how much you want to see or hear from each other on the phone.
You know very well how significant their lies are and whether they are ready to change something, so make a decision based on that.
To Conclude – Lies Hurt
You don’t have to deal with anyone’s lies, even if it’s your parent.
It’s up to him to realize that he needs to stop lying to you, and it’s up to you to decide how to proceed further.
“Parents shouldn’t lie to their children, not even when they think it’s for their own good. Even a little lie is dangerous…”.— Pablo Casals
Tuesday 14th of March 2023
She lies because she feels hurt and insecure.