Narcissists are complicated people to deal with. It’s even worse if that narcissist you’re dealing with is your mother.
Why won’t a narcissistic mother leave you alone? Because it’s like every narcissist needs to be the center of attention, and they want you to think about them all the time.
A narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have a deep excessive need for attention, validation, and admiration from others while lacking empathy for everyone.
This sounds pretty bad because it’s your mother, and parenting is the most selfless role we can have.
It asks us to sacrifice, turn the focus away from ourselves, and dedicate ourselves to the child.
Some people don’t have that parental capacity because they can’t put themselves second when they have a child.
Now imagine someone who is a narcissist by nature and how he manages in this role.
Your mother has done so well as a parent, so now you must find a way to escape her toxic narcissism.
That is the point of this article, to go deeper into her narcissism, try to explain it, and most importantly, tell you how to save yourself from it.
My Narcissistic Mother Won’t Leave My Alone – 5 Reasons
When you were little, you didn’t even understand what narcissism was, and you didn’t even understand your mother’s behavior.
Maybe you even thought it was normal.
As an adult, you can look at it from a different perspective.
Let’s explain your mother’s narcissistic behavior.
1. She Doesn’t Want to Lose Control of You
Narcissists love to have control over other people. Controlling others makes them feel powerful and important.
In this way, they want others to always be available to them.
Do you still think your mother controls your life? That you can’t make any decisions without her involvement?
There are many signs that a narcissistic mother does not want to lose control of you, but the most striking is that she slows down your every step towards individuality and independence.
Does your mother interfere too much in your choice of job, partner, or place you plan to live?
In that case, know that you are deep in your mother’s narcissistic trap, from which it is difficult to get out.
2. Your Mother is Always Playing Mind Games
To exert all this control over you, your narcissistic mother has a huge arsenal of mind games at her disposal, such as:
Victim Mentality
Does your mother always play the victim card?
Whatever happens, she is a victim, she has the worst life, everyone is mean to her, and so on.
She may have had a difficult life, but that’s no reason to manipulate you.
It may not even be her initial intention to hurt you. Her negative self-talk and view on life have a bad effect on you as well.
Guilt-tripping
Does your mother constantly shift the blame for something on you even though it’s clearly not your fault?
In addition to the fact that she can blame you for every argument you have, things may be even more extreme.
Extremely toxic and narcissistic parents may blame the child for limiting them in life, and because of him, they could not reach their full potential.
Or now that you’re grown up and want to move out and live your own life, your mother is holding you back by saying she can’t live without you.
She nags you and makes you feel guilty and ungrateful if you do something for yourself.
He might even say, “I gave you everything, and you give it back by leaving me alone.”
Because of these words, you feel guilty. You have to put your life on hold to be with a mother who doesn’t even know how to appreciate you.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting seems the same as guilt-tripping, but there are differences.
However, with gaslighting, the goal of your mother is not to make you guilty but to make you doubt your sanity.
Gaslighter will probably say something like: “That never happened. You must have imagined it.”
Unfortunately, all these manipulative mind games are well known to you because your narcissistic mother perfected them.
3. She is Afraid of Losing You
Similar to controlling, she doesn’t want to lose you from her life because she’s afraid of being alone.
Loneliness is the worst punishment for narcissists.
Because if she stays alone, how will she be able to tell her story without an audience?
That audience is you, and you know it well.
You know all her stories about how she was grandiose, the best, and how she is still the best.
How often does your mother call you if you don’t live together? Do you think she calls you so much that she doesn’t give you peace even though you don’t live together?
And when she calls you, you probably get a dose of criticism for why you don’t call her and why you don’t visit her.
4. She Always Wants to Be The Center of Attention While Neglecting You
Like any typical narcissist, she expects you to listen carefully to her stories, and when you want to say something about your life, you get the impression that she doesn’t care.
Even if she supposedly shows that she cares, it’s all superficial, and it’s easy for you to realize that she doesn’t.
When you think about it, it’s always been that way.
You could never talk about anything with her.
Instead of preparing you for life like any good parent, she was only concerned with herself.
Perhaps her parents also played a role in her upbringing, so her narcissistic nature came to the forefront.
5. She Wants to Have a Target For Her Comments
This is utterly evil on her part.
Overly narcissistic mothers have highly negative comments about everything their children do.
Are you often hurt by her comments?
Here are some usual comments and the consequences behind them:
“What’s wrong with you?”
Probably the worst comment a parent can make to a child. It can create a massive number of insecurities.
“Why can’t you be like your brother, friend, cousin?”
Comparing your child with others and even with siblings can create an overly competitive mindset and future disappointments.
“Don’t even try; it’s just too hard for you.”
Such comments kill the child’s motivation to do something from the start.
“Those jeans look bad on you; I looked better at your age.”
Commenting on weight and clothing can lead to insecurities.
“You owe me.”
Narcissistic mothers want to keep us in a loop by making us think we always owe them something.
The list of such negative comments is too long, and you probably recognized some of them.
How to Deal With a Narcissistic Mother?
As much as your mother is a narcissist and disturbs you too much, we assume you love her.
You must not allow your mental health to be compromised by your mother’s toxic narcissism.
If you don’t want to feel sad because of her anymore, take these steps:
1. Set Boundaries
Be clear and precise about the boundaries in your relationship with your mother.
Which topics can she comment on and which can’t?
It is not wrong not to tell her some things when you know what her negative comments will be.
2. Don’t Let Her Manipulate You
Recognize her mind games, and don’t let her control you.
Experienced manipulators do it very covertly, but you have to recognize it.
3. Stay Calm
Sometimes it’s hard not to respond to negative comments, but know that she wants a reaction.
In particular, don’t respond to and don’t start arguments because it leads nowhere.
4. Don’t Expect an Apology
You will hardly get an apology from a narcissist because they don’t even realize they are wrong about something.
Also don’t try to change her, because that’s not your job and you can’t change her personality, especially if she’s always been like that.
5. Let Go of Her Pressure
Do you feel pressured to be perfect to make your mother happy?
It’s not your responsibility to be a perfect child, so she can feel extraordinary and fulfilled. Don’t feed her ambitions by doing something you don’t want to do just for her sake.
6. Get Help
If you feel that all of your mother’s selfish behavior has left its mark on you, seek professional help.
Especially if he has been acting like this forever, and you feel like your life is bad right now.
7. Move Away
If you live with your mother, it is probably time to leave the family nest and start living alone.
If you did it long ago, reduce seeing her if they affect you too badly.
You are an adult, and your mother is still the same narcissist in love with herself.
That’s how it is with narcissists. They don’t evolve but stay where they always are.
In any case, reduce the number of visits and phone calls with your mother.
Determine how often you will see each other and talk in a certain period and tell her to stick to it.
To Come to The Point,
Parenting is all about unconditional love, but a narcissistic mother cannot give her child unconditional love.
Narcissists are like that. They love themselves the most.
This does not mean that you should not stop having contact with her, but you must understand her behavior and know how to react to it.
We believe that if you try the above steps, you can have a quality relationship with your mother without her narcissism endangering you.