Does the following scenario happen daily: You and your wife come home from work, it’s probably already dinner time, and you just want to enjoy your meal and relax. But that is impossible because your wife starts with a barrage of complaints about her work.
Everything about her job bothers her, and you hear the same story every day. You probably end up not eating that dinner because you lose your appetite.
The best way to help a wife who constantly complains about her job is to listen instead of react, not to minimize her problems, and, most importantly, to be supportive and offer solutions.
All this seems logical, but again at the end of her complaints, you end up having an evening of arguments because you are overwhelmed by her constant complaints.
In this article, we will look at the big picture, better explain her problems, and help you find the right way to help her.
Why Does Your Wife Complain About Work Every Day? 5 Potential Reasons
You know what jobs can be like. They are often not what we expect, but they are still necessary to earn a living.
Complaints about work are not rare. How many friends and even random people have you heard complaining about their job?
We will understand how often this is if we look at some statistics. According to the State of the Global Workplace: 2022 report, 60% of people reported being emotionally detached at work and 19% as miserable.
Huge numbers, right? So don’t be surprised that your wife is also part of this statistic.
Some possible reasons for her dissatisfaction at work are:
1. Work-Related Stress
Jobs often bring with them a certain amount of stress. Everyone imagines some high-risk jobs now, but even an ordinary office job is stressful.
In addition to requiring a certain amount of responsibility, they often have some unforeseen circumstances that create additional stress.
It is an additional reason for complaints and dissatisfaction if it is such a stressful job, accompanied by an inadequate salary.
When your wife comes home from work, she transfers all that stress to you.
2. Conflicts With Colleagues
If the work isn’t hard enough, there are bad colleagues to make it harder.
It is challenging to work with people with whom we have nothing in common, and we have to do some work that requires teamwork.
We will assume that your wife is not very popular among colleagues.
If your wife is introverted and doesn’t like sharing things about herself, working in a company where “everyone is like family” can be highly exhausting.
3. Poor Work-Life Balance
Your wife feels like she spends too much time at work. When she returns home, household chores await her.
A basket is full of laundry, a sink full of dishes, children asking for help with homework… Your wife is overwhelmed and needs help.
Her time for relaxation or some of her hobbies does not exist because she constantly rushes.
It is very possible that she also blames you for this because she feels that you are not helping her enough.
If the schedule of tasks in your marriage is that you only go to work, while she has to go to work and deal with cooking, cleaning, and to put the children to sleep, she has every right to be angry with you.
She is extremely annoyed that she always has to remind you of everything because otherwise, you won’t even do anything.
Your wife thinks that if only you committed a little to the household duties, it would be much easier for her to handle work and organize her time better. We’re sure there’s some truth to this.
4. Unfulfilled Expectations
Is your wife constantly complaining about work a reflection of her unfulfilled expectations in life?
That 9-5 job your wife hates, the place you live makes her uncomfortable, the list of disappointments goes on and on. In any case, she expects more from life, and nothing is as she imagines.
These expectations can be realistic or unrealistic.
Unrealistic expectations are often driven by unrealistic depictions of some perfect lives on social media. We shouldn’t limit ourselves, but by watching such perfect lives, people often want something they can’t have instead of focusing on reality.
However, what if your wife has studied hard for some work all her life and wants to achieve a career in which she was educated, but unfortunately, due to various circumstances, she cannot get the job she wants and has to do random jobs. These are realistic expectations that have not been met.
Whether realistic or unrealistic, unfulfilled expectations hurt, and you need to support your wife.
Do you know your wife can complain about her job, even though she loves it and considers it her dream job?
Have you heard of Rushing Woman Syndrome? That term implies women who try to do everything to please everyone, balancing career, marriage, family, and household tasks. But eventually, they reach a total state of burnout.
Burnout is a state of physical and mental exhaustion.
When that classic burnout occurs, enthusiasm for work is completely lost.
What Consequences Can Your Wife’s Constant Complaining Have on Your Marriage?
Although your wife’s constant complaining is unrelated to you, the consequences can be the same as if it were just you. Those consequences are:
- Increased Arguments in Marriage
When your wife comes home from work irritated, she brings all that stress home.
You’ll probably start nagging her if you are short on patience because she nags and disturbs your peace.
Clearly, tension starts to be felt in the air in this kind of atmosphere, and arguments can only go up.
- Communication Breakdown
Since you are tired of listening to your wife’s complaints about her job, you decide to avoid her.
She can also decide that because she realizes you don’t want to listen to her and are not real support.
- Poor Conflict Resolution Abilities
Arguments and conflicts in marriages are not rare, but they should be constructive so you become stronger after each argument.
Nothing will be achieved if you counter her complaints about work and claim that your work is even more challenging, but you don’t complain as she does.
- Decreased Affection and Intimacy
After such arguments, you will certainly not be in the mood for intimacy.
When this is repeated for a long time, the connection between the partners is also lost.
And that loss of connection is one of the most common causes that lead to the end of marriages.
- Impact on Mental Health
Complaints are not rare, but they are not healthy.
Both partners develop a negative mindset and viewpoint on life in this atmosphere.
A marriage where someone is constantly complaining about something can only create excess stress and anxiety.
How to Help Your Wife Deal With Problems at Work? 4 Tips
Your wife’s constant complaints weigh you down, but you also feel sad because she’s going through that, and you want to help her. Here’s how you can:
1. Stop and Listen
When you feel like reacting, stop and listen to her. Don’t compare her job with yours.
When your wife starts complaining, don’t say, “Oh, you think your day was bad, listen to what I had to deal with!”
You and your wife are not participating in the “Whose job is harder” competition.
In this way, you only minimize her problems.
2. Validate Her Feelings
When she tells you about problems at work, show that you understand her frustration and sympathize with her situation.
Say supportive things and use supportive language. And don’t forget to hug your wife; she needs that.
3. Offer Solutions
Only impose solutions once your wife asks you to.
Then you can offer some solutions to help her solve work problems.
Those solutions can be: that your wife tries to reduce the working house, improve her skills, or ultimately change her job and find one that will suit her.
4. Offer Help
This is especially necessary if the problem is not only her job, but your wife feels overwhelmed due to her many responsibilities.
It’s time to help her. Household duties are not only hers, and you should participate in them equally.
Chores can be organized so that both partners are equally involved, which is how a marriage should work.
Most Notably – Encourage Your Wife to Care for Herself
Although it is often overlooked, the point of jobs is not to totally ruin us mentally and physically.
Therefore, keep your wife from falling into that state where her main topic of conversation will be complaints about her work.
Encourage her to self-care, remind her to enjoy what she likes, and stimulate her to improve skills that will help her score her dream job.
If she already has it, let her enjoy it, and with such support, she will surely know to leave work at work and enjoy herself with you at home.