Parenting, as beautiful as it is, is also the most challenging job in the world.
Every parent sometimes makes some mistakes in raising a child because raising a child is complicated.
Think about it, the child’s mind is at the beginning blank page on which you write. You must pass on certain values and principles to your daughter to guide her through life.
Years pass quickly, and your child is already grown up. But now you face accusations from your daughter that you don’t care about her.
Why does your daughter think you don’t care about her? Because she thinks you weren’t there enough when she was growing up, you weren’t supportive when she needed it the most, or you didn’t like her choices in life.
This sounds painful, but is there any truth to it? Is your daughter right?
Although you fear that your relationship with your daughter has been damaged to the point of no return, it is still possible to fix it.
Of course, it requires love but understanding, support, and acceptance are mandatory.
This article is here to guide you in the most important task, repairing your relationship with your daughter.
Why Your Daughter Thinks You Don’t Care About Her? 5 Potential Reasons
To better understand your daughter, we need to go into your parenting methods, how you raised your daughter, and how you treat her now that she is an adult.
Therefore, the potential reasons are:
1. You’re Not There For Her When She Needs It
This may be something left over from her childhood, but she may still feel you are not there enough for her when needed.
Even though you tried to provide everything your daughter needed and worked hard, that doesn’t mean you were always there for your daughter when she needed it.
It probably comes to your mind when you forgot or were late to pick her up after school, so she had to wait for you in the rain, but that doesn’t have to be the case.
Your daughter was dealing with some problem and didn’t know what to do, and she needed your support, but you weren’t there. Or you were only physically present, but not mentally, because you were thinking about something else.
In this way, your daughter understood that she did not have adequate support from you. If you continued to act like this when she grew up, it’s no wonder she thinks you don’t care about her.
2. You Only Care About Yourself
What do you call people who only care about themselves? Has it occurred to you that you might be a narcissist?
A narcissistic parent will certainly not make a good impression on their child. Parenting is all about putting yourself second for the child’s sake, and narcissists are incapable of doing that.
If you are this person, you may have felt that becoming a parent ruined your life. Because a child is a huge responsibility, and you didn’t want to limit yourself because of your daughter.
Your daughter is now an adult, but that doesn’t mean you don’t stop your narcissistic outbursts.
Narcissistic parents in later years usually dramatize how their children neglected them and forgot everything they did for them.
Then they want the children to pay attention to them instead of letting them live their lives.
3. You Are an Over Controlling Parent
How is it possible that you don’t care about your daughter when you are an overcontrolling parent, also known as a helicopter parent?
That excessive control is not a sign that you care about your daughter. It can even mean the opposite.
Why parents feel the need to over-control children:
- their own fears and anxieties;
- they think they know best for their children;
- they are perfectionists and high achievers and want their children to be the best in everything;
- due to the fulfillment of some goals that they failed to achieve.
Although you think enrolling your daughter in countless extracurricular activities that she is not interested in is the right kind of parenting, it is better if you listen to her and support her in what actually interests her.
Such controlling parents continue to control their children’s lives when they are adults.
Don’t be surprised if your daughter tells you you ruined her life with your control because you created many insecurities and a lack of self-confidence in her.
4. You Do Not Support Your Daughter in Her Way of Life
You and your daughter are two different worlds, and that’s how you’ve always been.
Back in her rebellious teenage years, there were many arguments in your house.
You didn’t like how she dressed or what music she listened to, and that she wanted to be an artist or musician. For you, these are hobbies and not actual professions, such as, for example, being a doctor or a lawyer.
Your daughter is an adult now and lives her life by her own rules.
She doesn’t ask your permission, but she wants at least some understanding because you are her parent, and she loves you.
But you can’t understand that. You constantly criticize your daughter’s choice of profession, her love life, the fact that she is not married yet, that she wants to live in another country, and so on.
You don’t see each other often, but every time you see each other somehow turns into an argument. Your daughter feels like she can’t talk about anything with you, which hurts her tremendously.
5. Your Daughter Wasn’t Your Favorite Child
Some parents are sometimes too fond of one child while neglecting the other. Your daughter has always been that neglected child.
Parents choose their favorite child who reminds them more of them and who is more successful in school, less problematic, etc. Your daughter was always told how she should look up to her sister or brother.
In addition to being very painful for her, it can create sibling rivalry.
Your daughter also blames you for having a broken relationship with her sister.
What Should You Do When Your Daughter Thinks You Don’t Care About Her?
There is no easy fix for this complicated situation between parent and child. However, of course, there are some tips that you should start with as soon as possible. And those are:
1. Accept Your Mistakes
As we said before, all parents make mistakes with their children somewhere.
Being a parent doesn’t mean you’re always right.
A person who does not know how to look at past mistakes is immature and selfish. That’s why it’s time to look at yourself in the mirror and realize your mistakes so you know how to fix them.
2. Show That You Care
We don’t know how damaged the relationship between you and your daughter is, but we know you must show that you care about her.
And we know such things are best proven by actions, not words. Actions speak louder than words.
When she tells you about her problems, listen to her, don’t interrupt her, and give her advice only when she asks.
Also, when she asks you for a favor, please don’t say you don’t have time, but always find time for her. She is your daughter, after all.
3. Don’t Judge Her
This is extremely important.
Your daughter’s life is hers alone, you are there to give advice and support, but she shapes her destiny.
No one likes to be judged based on how they live. Your daughter is significantly hurt by your comments about her life decisions.
It’s time to learn to accept her because she is special and unique the way she is.
4. Support Her
When you’ve learned to accept her as she is, it’s time to support her.
Your daughter will be much happier knowing you are on her side and want to help her achieve her goals.
True support means you are there for her no matter what.
5. Learn To Recognize What Is Not Your Fault
Throughout this article, we’ve talked about the things that are your fault and what about those that aren’t?
What if your daughter blames you for everything that goes wrong in her life? For not having a job she wants, living in a city she hates or being emotionally empty and unfulfilled.
Some things are not your fault, and your daughter cannot put all the blame on you because we are all responsible for our own lives.
Again, this does not mean you should cut off contact with her, but rather help her solve her problems, even if she blames you for them.
To Wrap Things Up,
We understand that you care deeply about repairing your relationship with your daughter, even though you have made mistakes in the past.
It is up to you as a parent to be selfless, understanding, accepting, and loving no matter what.
You can build a stronger, more loving relationship with your daughter with time and effort.
Parents may not wear capes, but they must be superheroes for their kids.