Dealing with family interference can be challenging at any stage of a romantic relationship – whether you’re just starting out or living together. It can cause significant problems and stress in your relationship.
Your relationship with your boyfriend is negatively impacted by his family’s dislike towards you. This is a concerning situation.
In what ways is your boyfriend’s family ruining your relationship? They are not respecting boundaries, openly showing dislike towards you, or attempting to create issues between you and your boyfriend.
It’s common for parents to disapprove of their son’s girlfriend, but it’s possible for other relatives, such as sisters, brothers, grandmothers, and grandfathers, to also be against you.
When you think about it, you’ve seen situations like this in movies or read confessions in magazines, but you couldn’t imagine that it would happen to you.
You’re probably wondering if you should do everything to make them like you or if you should set clear boundaries from the start? And most importantly, what is your boyfriend’s perspective in this whole story?
This article will help you with all that, so read to the end.
Why My Boyfriend’s Family Doesn’t Like Me? 5 Common Reasons
Of course, it’s unpleasant when someone doesn’t like you, especially close to the person you care about.
You have probably tried establishing a positive relationship with your boyfriend’s family, but unfortunately, things may not have gone as planned.
Instead of a warm welcome to the family, or at least basic respect and decency, your boyfriend’s family put a wall in front of you from the start.
What are the reasons for this:
1. Your Boyfriend’s Family Thinks You’re Not Good Enough For Him
What does this even mean? Not good enough, how? Does this mean physical appearance, education, or career?
Frequently, the concern is whether one is suitable for their child. Though it may come across as insulting, many families think this way.
Of course, your boyfriend’s family will think he’s the best in the world, but they could take off those rose-colored glasses sometime.
Let’s not forget about the differences in tradition, culture, and religion. If significant disparities exist in these aspects, conservative parents may disapprove of the relationship.
How do they tell you you’re not good enough for their son? Most often, these are annoying comparisons.
They evaluate you based on various factors such as your education, career, work, and life goals, and even compare you with their own son. It’s like a weighing scale in their minds.
It’s even worse if they compare you to their son’s ex-girlfriends.
This whole comparing attitude of your boyfriend’s family will only create tension in your relationship but may also affect your self-confidence.
2. Your Boyfriend’s Family is Overcontrolling
Of course, you will not be a favorite in a family that is too overcontrolling. You are like some intruder disturbing their peace.
Sometimes, family members might exert excessive control over their adult child’s decisions, including those related to the relationship.
Some families may have difficulty accepting that their adult child is now in a committed relationship, leading to intrusive behavior, constant interference, and unwanted advice.
You must have noticed that your boyfriend’s family treats him like he is still a child. Even on your first dates, there were too many phone calls from his family, and you couldn’t seem to relax from them.
Is your boyfriend too used to relying on others? This results from an overcontrolling family that always did everything for him. However, this is precisely why your boyfriend feels he is not ready for adulthood. That may be why he allows his family to interfere in all his decisions.
3. Your Boyfriend’s Family Is Trying To Break Your Relationship
You’re not good enough for them, they’re too overcontrolling, they don’t respect boundaries… Unfortunately, they may want to keep you away from their son.
And they will use various ways to achieve that goal. One of the most direct ones is where they openly tell you that they are against your relationship or when they start comparing and measuring you to let you know that you are not good enough.
There are also more indirect ways where your boyfriend’s parents intentionally disrupt you and your boyfriend’s plans. Say, when they insist that your boyfriend spend every holiday with them instead of you.
Maybe they act like a victim and guilt trip your boyfriend. That is the case if they make him feel guilty about wanting to be independent and live with you. For example, you and your boyfriend want to move to another city, but his parents try in every way to sabotage it.
4. You Hate Your Boyfriend’s Family
It seems the hatred is mutual.
How often have you thought, “I don’t like hanging out with my boyfriend’s family?” Does it make sense that you can’t stand those people that much?
It’s not uncommon for in-laws to have disagreements, but your relationship with your boyfriend’s family was doomed from the start.
Although you adore your boyfriend, you can’t stand his family. You consider them a bad influence on your boyfriend.
The issue may revolve around the significant disparities in thinking and lifestyle attitudes between you and your boyfriend’s family. These differences are so substantial that being in the same room with them often leads to arguments.
How to Stop Your Boyfriend’s Family From Ruining Your Relationship?
You feel like you’re in the middle of a romantic comedy about parents sabotaging the relationship of a couple in love. However, your situation is not naive at all.
You have strong feelings for your boyfriend and wish your relationship to grow, but you feel hindered by his family’s constant interference.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Express Your Feelings of Discomfort to Your Boyfriend
Is your boyfriend even aware of how you feel about his family?
Hopefully, he’s not the type who likes to sweep problems under the rug and pretend everything is fine when it clearly isn’t.
Feeling unloved or unwelcome by your partner’s family can be distressing and challenging to deal with. It can affect your self-confidence and make you question what you’re actually doing wrong.
If your boyfriend doesn’t see it, you may even wonder if he actually thinks the same as his parents.
2. Make Sure You and Your Boyfriend are on the Same Page
Do you feel like your boyfriend always takes his family’s side too much?
It’s important to remember that this isn’t about choosing sides. However, if your boyfriend permits their family to meddle in your relationship without any boundaries, your future together may be in doubt.
It might be worth having an open and honest conversation with him to clarify what he wants from your relationship. This could help you both determine if you share the same goals and are on the same page about the future.
3. Establish Clear Boundaries
Do you have the right to seek boundaries between you and your boyfriend’s family? Yes!
Especially if they do not respect the basics of decency and behave unpleasantly and judgmentally towards you.
Encourage your boyfriend to have a conversation with his family to assert the boundaries firmly but respectfully.
This will show that you are both on the same page and help them understand the importance of respecting your personal space in the relationship.
4. Don’t Create Conflict Between Your Boyfriend and His Family
This seems logical, but if your boyfriend’s family doesn’t love you, it can be tempting to try to pull your boyfriend away from them.
This is justified in some more extreme cases, but you should avoid this behavior.
It’s your boyfriend’s family, after all, and he loves them. You don’t want your relationship to progress and his relationship with his family to diminish under your influence.
5. Try To Improve The Relationship Between You And His Family
Can you start from the beginning, or is it too late?
Wouldn’t fixing your relationship with your boyfriend’s family be nice?
We don’t know how you acted initially, but try to be more understanding and respect the differences.
It’s important to embrace diversity and have open conversations with your boyfriend’s family about values and traditions that matter to both of you.
Try to understand each other’s backgrounds and find common ground whenever possible. Respect for each other’s beliefs can go a long way in creating a harmonious and accepting family dynamic.
All this does not mean you should act and pretend to be something you are not. Maybe that’s why your boyfriend’s family doesn’t like you because nobody likes fake people.
What Really Matters is,
Your boyfriend’s family will ruin your relationship if you let them.
That is why you and your boyfriend must be on the same page regarding your relationship and setting boundaries.
This does not mean your relationship with your boyfriend’s family must be toxic or non-existent.
Improving that relationship with empathy, patience, and mutual understanding is possible.