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I Hate My Husband Because of His Mother – What Should I Do?

Although it seems like a stereotype, conflicts with in-laws are too typical.

They are so common that they are an excellent inspiration for many comedy movies. However, they are not amusing because they are a regular part of your reality.

Your mother-in-law is making your life miserable in every possible way, and that’s not even what annoys you the most about the situation.

What bothers you the most is your husband’s behavior and inability to stand up to his mother, who is causing harm to your marriage.

Why do you hate your husband because of his mother? Because he always takes her side, never defends you from her toxic comments, and allows her to interfere in your marriage.

toxic mother in law

Hate is a strong word, but that’s how you sometimes feel because your husband has no problem with your mother having a prominent voice in your marriage.

The situation is so serious that you even thought about leaving your husband because you don’t want to deal with mama’s boy anymore.

Before you do that, it is essential to look at the whole problem from several angles and try to find a solution. This article is here to help you.

4 Potential Reasons Why You Hate Your Husband Because of His Mother

It’s safe to assume that marrying a mama’s boy is not every woman’s dream, and it likely wasn’t yours, either. However, you find yourself in a situation where you’re married to a man whose mother still holds the highest authority in his life.

While you have no issue with your husband maintaining a healthy and affectionate relationship with his mother, your concern lies with your mother-in-law’s self-centered behavior, which is causing harm to your marriage.

What particularly bothers you about the relationship between your husband and his mother is that:

1. Your Husband Lets His Mother Interfere In Your Marriage

Resentment towards your husband may be caused by an overbearing mother-in-law who tries to control every aspect of your married life. This could be a significant reason for your feelings.

It’s perfectly fine for your mother-in-law to offer advice or assistance. Still, in this situation, her behavior is overly controlling, and she’s trying to influence every decision you make as a couple.

Since the wedding, your mother-in-law has been interfering in all decisions. She insisted on having the wedding at her preferred location and even took charge of the decorations because she believed she knew best.

Your husband’s mother is interfering in your marriage and all your decisions. She seems to have an opinion on everything and expects you to comply without questioning her.

It can be frustrating when your mother-in-law tries to control aspects of your life, such as where you and your spouse choose to live, your career choices, and even personal matters like the timing of having children. She may also offer unrequested advice on how to raise your children if you already have them.

Your MIL has clearly overstepped major boundaries with her actions.

But the most important thing, where is your husband in this whole situation?

Does he allow this kind of interference? The situation is even worse if he thinks you should listen to his mother about everything because she knows best. 

This behavior can leave you feeling undermined and powerless, leading to frustration with your spouse for not setting boundaries.

2. Your Husband Always Takes His Mother’s Side

It may sound like a cliché, but the conflict between mothers and daughters-in-law is actually quite common.

Your MIL and you are a great example of that. You have never established a good relationship. And there is a saying that a mother-in-law should be like a second mother to you.

Your mother-in-law always has some complaints about you. Those objections are full of criticism, irony, and general toxicity.

There may be comments from your MIL about your lack of contribution to household chores or your cooking skills. Additionally, there may be comments about your fashion choices; “that skirt should be longer.”

Much worse are those comments about your personal decisions, say, about your career, work, or general lifestyle.

Of course, these comments lead to an argument between you and your mother-in-law, and your husband gets caught in the middle. And what does he do, then? He takes his mother’s side and is against you!

You don’t want him to fight with his mother and have him be on your side by default in an argument with his mother, but maintaining some level of objectivity would be beneficial.

If your husband doesn’t defend you against these hurtful actions, it can intensify your resentment towards him.

This lack of support from your husband can leave you feeling abandoned and unheard.

3. Your Husband Compares You to His Mother

No one likes to be compared to other people and to have their actions measured against the actions of others. That’s precisely what your husband does.

Your husband constantly compares you to his mother, and the point of those comparisons is that you should do things like her.

We understand that your husband has a special respect for his mother, which is normal, but does he have to tell you non-stop how she does everything better than you.

The most common comparison is about cooking. Your husband doesn’t like your cooking and keeps telling you how to prepare food like his mother.

This annoyance can be amplified when you express a concern, such as struggling at work and not having enough personal time, only to receive a response from your husband that his mother always managed to work, look after the kids, and keep the house in perfect order without ever complaining.

4. Your Husband Is Overly Attached To His Mother

Congratulations, you have a real mama’s boy for a husband.

It’s not only that he is too attached to his mother, but that she is too attached to him. That’s why she acts too defensively toward him.

How does she even let you marry her son anyway because no one is good enough for her golden boy?

Because of their relationship like this, the marriage between you and your husband cannot progress.

One typical example is if you want to move, but your mother-in-law doesn’t even want to hear about that. What is your husband’s opinion of your situation? Of course, he doesn’t want to move because he doesn’t want his mother to be far away.

And if you live together with his mother, it’s probably your own version of hell.

What to Do if You Hate Your Husband Because of His Mother?

Although “hate” may seem like a strong word, it’s clear that you hold some resentment towards your husband. The only thing to consider now is how long your marriage can withstand these circumstances.

Here’s what you should do in your situation:

1. Express Your Feelings to Your Husband 

Likely, your husband doesn’t realize his actions’ negative impact on your marriage. 

Communicate to him that when he gives more importance to his mother than you, it makes you feel like you’re not his first choice. 

Moreover, when your husband takes her side in a disagreement with you, it creates feelings of neglect and disrespect.

Seek understanding and support from your husband.

2. Don’t Create Conflict Between Your Husband and His Mother

This is never a good solution.

You don’t want to be the person who causes your husband and his mother to fight.

Be empathetic and try to understand his point of view, as he might have complex emotions tied to his mother’s behavior. There are many factors to consider, don’t be judgmental right away.

It’s essential to recognize that your husband likely has a close bond with his mother, which may cause him to view her in an overly praising light. Therefore, it’s best to avoid using negative language or hurtful comments, even if you feel justified in your concerns.

3. Set Healthy Boundaries

Work together to establish clear boundaries with your mother-in-law.

It’s important to remember that your marriage is your personal matter. Your husband should respect that and not let his mother interfere whenever she wants.

There is a huge difference between the advice and help you seek from her and overcontrolling toxic behavior.

Communicate these boundaries respectfully, ensuring that both you and your husband are on the same page.

Since it’s your husband’s mother, it’s logical that he should be the one to communicate those boundaries to her, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it too.

To Summarize,

Resentment towards your husband because of his mother can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience.

Your husband must understand that allowing his mother to interfere in everything is not a sustainable solution for your relationship to flourish.

Explain it to him with due respect to his mother, as you would not want to be the cause of any tension between them.

A mother-in-law doesn’t have to be a monster-in-law, right? Maintaining a positive relationship with a mother-in-law through mutual respect and healthy boundaries is possible.