Every weekend the same scenario happens to you.
On Fridays, you rush to the train station after work because your partner lives in another city.
The weekend goes by quickly.
On Sunday, you realize that tomorrow is another working day.
It’s time to return to the town where you live and says “Goodbye” to your loved one.
Until next time, your connection relies on video calls and messages.
Many people are in a dilemma and wonder, is it selfish not to want a long-distance relationship? Taking care of yourself and your needs isn’t selfish; it is necessary! Long-distance relationships take a lot of time, money, and effort.
You probably know at least one couple who lived in different cities at some point.
After a few months or even years, they found a compromise and started living together.
Such examples prove that long-distance relationships are worth commitment.
However, maintaining such a specific relationship requires a lot of effort.
So please don’t feel regretful if you realize that a long-distance relationship isn’t a good choice for you.
It’s OK to say I don’t want to be in a long-distance relationship anymore.
Please, read this article if you feel guilty.
Is it Selfish to Not Want a Long-Distance Relationship, and Why Not?
Long-distance relationships seem magical in the beginning.
Every meeting with your partner seems like a mini escape from reality.
In addition to finally seeing the person you like, you are in a completely new city.
Everything around you looks like an adventure, and it’s fascinating.
You always meet new people; go out to new places with the person you like.
Also, you completely forget your daily problems; they are far behind you.
A long-distance relationship can be a wonderful experience.
Until Sunday evening comes, and the magic disappears.
Another working day is ahead of you, which means returning to reality.
New technologies make long-distance relationships possible, but various challenges are still ahead.
This article will point out the possible difficulties in this kind of relationship.
1. It is Hard to Be Constantly on the Road
Long-distance relationships have become a common trend in the last few years.
Just a few decades ago, maintaining a long-distance relationship was impossible.
However, modern forms of communication make it much easier to contact people who live far away.
You can contact someone who lives in another city or country via video calls whenever you want.
But every call ends with the words, “I miss you!”
It happens more often that people successfully maintain a relationship even though they live on different continents.
These couples primarily work remotely.
Also, low-cost companies often offer cheap transoceanic flights.
That way, couples can spend several months together.
Many couples are used to living this way.
But it is challenging to be constantly on the road and change the place of residence.
Especially if you are a person who is attached to family and friends, long trips will be an issue for you.
2. Free Time and Money
Free time is the first condition for a long-distance relationship.
Couples who don’t have the option of working from home are limited to seeing each other.
However, certain occupations require weekend work.
Imagine a surgeon postponing his shift to get to a romantic dinner in another city.
In this example, is devoting to a job seem selfish?
Sometimes obligations represent the main barrier to long-distance love.
Money is a big obstacle too.
It could be expensive to finance a trip to another city twice a month.
Therefore, it doesn’t mean you are selfish but have other priorities.
3. Weekends With Friends Fade into Oblivion
“You’re all I need.”
That sounds impressive if your partner says something like this.
You may have a similar feeling at the very beginning of the relationship.
But, after some time, you could realize you still miss your friends and family.
Your friends will probably forget the last time they saw you.
If you are the type of person who is attached to your friends, you will probably feel unfulfilled.
For a relationship to be healthy, both partners must be independent people who keep time for themselves.
Being together with the person you love isn’t sometimes enough for happiness.
4. How I Wish You Were Here
You probably often find yourself singing the lyrics of the song “How I wish you were here.”
Especially when you want to share beautiful moments with your partner, he is far away.
Be prepared; you won’t be able to share precious moments with your partner whenever you want.
The same applies to less lovely moments when you need solace and support.
You won’t be able to call him and say, “Let’s meet in half an hour.”
You can always call him and share your problem, but a video call cannot replace a hug.
But when you finally spend time together, make sure it’s quality time.
Here are some suggestions:
- Introduce your partner to your friends
- Suggest going to the cinema or concert
- Organize a weekend trip to break the monotony
- Try to spend holidays together
- State the ultimate goal of the relationship
- Brainstorm together, and develop a plan for the future
- Play online video games together
- Work remotely if possible
5. Trust and Jealousy
Jealousy is one of the main problems in most relationships.
Trusting a person who lives miles away from you is difficult.
If you don’t see each other for long, doubts arise spontaneously.
Even though you are sure, your partner is faithful to you.
Have you heard the phrase “Away from the eyes, away from the heart?”
Unfortunately, it’s not just a cliche expression.
Physical contact and intimacy are necessary for both partners to be happy and fulfilled.
Admit that you sometimes consider how it could be to find someone from your town.
Don’t think that you are selfish if, in the meantime, you feel sympathy for someone who lives close to you.
Such situations happen no matter how much you love each other.
Distance is already a big obstacle, and that is a fact.
6. Partings are Painful
Painful divisions and bad moods after are inevitable parts of any long-distance relationship.
Whether you want to admit it or not, you probably feel lonely sometimes, even though you are not single.
Partings are painful, especially when you part with the person you love.
Also, the euphoria of your partner’s arrival becomes exhausting over time.
You’ll desire to come home from work and hug him whenever you want.
Not only on weekends or holidays.
7. Delaying Arguing and Solving Problems
In a long-distance relationship, couples often leave the discussion for later.
You may think, “Let’s not harm the short time we can spend together.”
However, putting off dealing with problems isn’t beneficial for your relationship.
People are so preoccupied with the fact that they live far away.
So, you may be convinced this is the only problem in your relationship.
Or that living together will solve all of the issues you currently have.
However, things work differently.
All the challenges you are now facing will become even more expressed when you start living together.
Your partner will bring all the problems you have been holding back for a long time into your everyday life.
8. Moving to Another Town is a Big Challenge
Also, If you are planning to move to your partner’s city, be prepared for a new level of your relationship.
That doesn’t necessarily present a relief but a new challenge.
Adapting to a new environment, looking for a new job, and contacts await you.
You may even feel like you are building your life from scratch.
9. Your Partner isn’t As Ideal As it Seems
Also, one of the frequent problems related to long-distance relationships is the idealization of the partner.
Since you spend time with your partner only in specific circumstances, you always have a good time.
It would help if you had more insight into your partner’s lifestyle.
Try to be involved in everyday situations, not charged with desire and passion.
Since you only see your partner in mild cases, this can reinforce idealization.
When you finally start living together one day, you will realize that your partner still has his flaws and bad habits.
That you could not recognize while you lived far from each other.
Taking Care of Your Needs isn’t Selfish; it is Essential!
Long-distance relationships are much more complex to maintain than standard relationships, and that’s a fact.
However, it is worth the effort if you think your partner is ideal for you.
Remind yourself that this difficult period will soon pass.
If you have a good plan and enough patience, you will start living close to each other one day.
However, don’t beat yourself up if you can find a compromise or if the distance is frustrating.
Are you still wondering if it is selfish not to want a long-distance relationship?
We will give you the only correct answer to that question; You are not selfish!
Taking care of your needs and desires is not selfish but essential!
We hope that this article will help you solve your dilemmas!