There are some expectations from every father in the relationship with his child.
First of all, to be the best possible support and to have a lot of understanding. And, of course, he should be ready to sometimes sacrifice his interests for the sake of his child.
What is definitely not expected is for him to be constantly angry at his child. It’s normal to get angry occasionally, but when that anger turns into a dominant emotion, it clearly indicates something is wrong.
This is exactly the case with your father.
Why is your father always mad at you? Because he is too strict, selfish, or narcissistic, or he is going through some issues and doesn’t know how else to express his emotions.
Dealing with a dad who is always mad at you can be a challenging and highly emotional experience. You may feel confused, hurt, and frustrated.
You want to repair your relationship with your father, but you also don’t want your efforts to be in vain and get hurt even more.
In this article, we will explain the root of your father’s anger and give you some proper guidelines for dealing with him.
Why Your Dad Gets Mad at You For Everything? 5 Possible Reasons
Anger is an intense emotion that makes us feel antagonism towards someone or something.
Although anger is not a desirable emotion, we all feel it sometimes.
However, when someone is angry with us, we first want to know “Why?” In this case, you wonder what the cause of your father’s impatience with you is. Here are the potential reasons:
1. Parenting Style
This is already highly complicated because it is difficult to explain to them otherwise when someone is convinced of something.
This authoritarian parenting style is usually associated with how your father was raised.
Was his father strict with him and thus taught him that is the proper way to be a parent?
If he was brought up like that, this pattern of raising children is in his subconscious because he thinks that it should be like that and that these are the right values.
It’s safe to say that your father is too traditional. We have nothing against traditional ways of parenting, but your father may be too extreme in his views on parenting. That’s why he always seemed angry and negative to you.
Although this kind of tough-love parenting should make children more independent, it can make them the opposite.
There is no one-size-fits-all parenting style because all children are different.
2. Unfulfilled Expectations From You
Your father had high expectations of you. Those expectations can mean a variety of things.
From what college you will enroll in, what you will do in life, all the way to your complete lifestyle.
Let’s say you didn’t live up to your father’s grandiose expectations. Now what? Should you feel bad?
According to your father, you are a walking disappointment, and he is angry and disappointed in you.
Even though parents think they always know what’s best for us, isn’t it too overcontrolling if they don’t let us make our own life decisions when we’re adults?
This is an evident characteristic of the overcontrolling father, who obviously has his own standards that you must meet. If you don’t meet them, you are a failure.
Your father may be so disappointed in you that he stops calling you at all because you didn’t live up to his expectations. Extremely selfish behavior.
3. Selfishness and Narcissism
These two emotions, unfortunately, go well together. They are two sides of the same coin.
If you have a narcissistic father, he is probably also selfish.
What does this mean?
Parents are expected to put their children before themselves. This is one of the main characteristics of good parents. However, your father never put you before him.
Your father wasn’t too happy when you were born either because it was a massive change for him. He was too immature and thought becoming a father would ruin his life.
Unfortunately, that selfishness didn’t change even later, and you especially notice and understand it now that you’ve grown up.
Your father only calls you when he needs something and doesn’t care about your feelings. He only cares about his own needs.
That’s why your father might not hesitate to call you only when he needs money. Instead of being grateful that you still care about him, he’s making himself the victim and you the bad guy for neglecting him, even though that’s not true.
4. Various Problems in The Family
“All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”– Leo Tolstoy
Unfortunately, families are not always perfect, and various problems can disrupt relationships.
There may have been some major arguments where harsh words were spoken, and everyone was angry and hurt.
It is even possible that your father is angry with you because you did not take his side but your mother’s side in their arguments.
Those arguments may have led to the end of your parent’s marriage, and now your dad has remarried, has a new family, and has completely forgotten about you.
5. Your Father Goes Through Tough Times
You shouldn’t feel guilty for all the reasons mentioned above, but in this case, even your father doesn’t necessarily think you are to blame for his anger.
Totally other reasons are to blame for his anger. And these can be various dissatisfactions, insecurities, and anxieties that torment your father.
It is important to emphasize that damaged mental health can be a massive trigger for anger. Your dad may be struggling with mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, causing him to act out.
This shows that your father does not know how to deal with his emotions. He may even be too stubborn to accept the importance of mental health and healthy communication, which is why he behaves this way.
In any case, he must not vent his anger on others because of personal hardships.
How to Deal With Your Dad Who Is Always Angry at You?
In addition to feeling confused, hurt, and frustrated, you probably also wonder if it is possible to repair your relationship with your father or if that chapter in your life is over.
Here’s what you need to do:
1. Understand Where His Anger Comes From
What is it that triggers your father to be angry at you?
The reasons mentioned above can help you understand it and know better if there is a chance to improve the relationship and, if there is, what you need to do.
Maybe the anger is not directly directed at you, but you feel that way. That’s why it’s crucial to determine the exact reason.
2. Explain Your Emotions to Your Father
Even though he may be a tough-love kind of father, tell him how you feel.
You should not feel “weak” just because you tell your father that his anger towards you hurts your well-being.
Maybe behind his angry exterior is a desire for change, and your words will trigger that change in him.
3. Set Boundaries
Healthy boundaries are essential in a relationship with a dad who gets mad at you for everything.
You are an adult, and you should not put up with such behavior just because you love your father.
Tell him that you will not tolerate his outbursts of anger towards you, and if it bothers you in general that he is constantly angry at random things, tell him you will limit contact with him.
4. Know When It’s Time To Move On
Unfortunately, not all people are suitable parent material.
Although there are fantastic fathers, there are also some who do not deserve that wonderful role.
You tried everything, but there was no progress.
In addition to telling your father your emotions and asking him to stop behaving like that towards you, you also clearly set boundaries for him. You may even have suggested family therapy.
Unfortunately, none of that worked because your father doesn’t want to change.
It may be painful to cut off contact with your father, but it is necessary in this case for your future.
5. Take Care of Yourself
Make sure to prioritize your own mental and emotional health.
You may feel emotionally hurt if your father is angry with you for too long. This can also be a form of emotional abuse.
Therefore, it is important that you put yourself first, heal your emotional wounds and move on with or without your father by your side.
“An angry father is most cruel towards himself”– Publilius Syrus
It’s his loss if your father is angry with you instead of working on solving his issues, improving communication with you, and changing his attitude.
Since you are an adult, it is up to you to try to repair your relationship with your father and recognize when it is irreparable.