Have you noticed that your wife talks to her mother every day? She tells her the details of joint private life. She can’t make decisions independently and always asks for his mother’s advice. If you have noticed similar behavior, your wife is too attached to her mother.
You are probably in an awkward position as a husband because family relationships are usually a sensitive topic. Although a close relationship with parents is normal, unhealthy attachment can cause many problems in your marriage. You can talk to your wife about how you feel, set healthy boundaries, or see a couples therapist to prevent problems.
In the rest of the text, read the reasons for the close bond between your wife and your mother-in-law and what to do so that this relationship does not damage your marriage.
Possible Reasons Why Your Wife Is Too Attached to Her Mother?
The connection between mother and child is expected.
However, if this connection is dysfunctional, in this case, excessive, it can lead to some consequences in your wife’s or your marriage life.
There are many reasons why a wife is too attached to her mother. Some of the most common include the following.
Learned Family Dynamics
How your wife was brought up significantly affects her later relationship with the primary family.
The family dynamic she adopted from an early age can manifest itself later and impact her relationship with her mother.
If she grew up in an environment where her mother controlled everything, she would still feel her mother’s need for control.
Likewise, if she grew up in a family where her mother cared for everything and provided support, she may feel a strong attachment to her mother as an adult.
On the other hand, sometimes mothers behave overprotectively towards their daughters.
An overprotective mother can influence her daughter’s behavior and feelings. The daughter will need her mother’s approval, advice, and guidance, so she will often call her and ask for her confirmation.
Also, such mothers will often call their daughters at any time of the day and several times a day. She will question everything that interests her. It will ignore all boundaries.
Because she has a goal – the protection and control of the child come first.
Although such behavior is excessive and unhealthy, neither mothers nor daughters are often aware of it until it reaches a certain toxic point.
So, if you have noticed that your mother-in-law is overprotective, talking to your wife about it would be good. She may not be aware of her mother’s behavior and influence.
Another reason your wife is closely related to her mother could be a difficult childhood.
When discussing this reason, it is essential to remember that there are many different definitions of a difficult childhood and that it is very individual.
Perhaps the mother was her support during a difficult period, representing the basis of their close relationship.
Lack of Trust In You
There is also a possibility that your wife does not have much confidence in you, so she turned to her mother for support and understanding.
Although support is desirable, excessive connection and involvement of your mother-in-law in your relationship can lead to negative consequences.
It is possible that your wife turns to her mother for advice instead of discussing problems with you.
Psychologists use that term to explain relationships in which boundaries between family members are unclear or nonexistent.
For such relationships, separating parents from their beliefs, behavior, and feelings is difficult; because of this, mothers and daughters are often strongly connected.
However, such relationships often lead to unhealthy relationships and entail additional consequences. The negative effects of family relationships without clear boundaries can affect your marriage.
Therefore, it is good to be careful and recognize the signs that indicate this and solve potential problems promptly.
These are some universal reasons your wife has a close relationship with her mother. Remember that each person is unique, so there may be other reasons for their connection.
Only they can know what happens between two people. That’s why it is essential to talk openly with your wife about this topic if you are interested in the nature of their relationship.
If this relationship affects your marriage somehow, this is an additional reason for an open conversation.
Is This Connection Damaging Your Relationship?
Before taking any steps, ask yourself if their connection damages your marriage. If you have noticed that your wife is more attached to her mother than you and that she talks to her more often than you, there is reason to worry.
When your wife is too attached to her mother, it can create many problems in the marriage.
First, it can lead to a lack of independence, as the wife may rely heavily on her mother for emotional support and decision-making. That can be especially frustrating for husbands who feel their wife is not fully present.
In addition, the wife’s attachment to the mother can create tension and conflict between the couple. Especially if the husband feels his wife prioritizes the mother’s needs over their shared needs.
Another reason husbands are frustrated is the mother-in-law’s excessive involvement in marital privacy.
Wives often feel the need to share private things about their relationship with their husbands with their mothers. It’s certainly not pleasant when someone knows everything about you and influences your wife’s decisions in your marriage.
What to Do if Your Wife Is Too Attached to Her Mother?
Therefore, if you feel frustration and dissatisfaction because your wife is too close to her mother, try to solve the problem in one of the following ways.
1. Talk To Her And Try to Understand Her
One of the most important things you can do is talk openly and honestly with your wife about what’s bothering you.
That can be a difficult conversation to have, especially if your wife is defensive or sensitive about the subject.
However, it’s crucial to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding and to focus on your feelings rather than blaming your wife.
It is also important to listen to your wife’s perspective. She may not realize how her attachment to her mother affects you, or she may have her reasons for feeling close to her.
You can find a solution that suits both of you with an open and honest conversation.
2. Talk About Your Feelings
Expressing your dissatisfaction and sharing your feelings with your wife will help you get the understanding you want.
It’s a challenging task, but it is worthwhile. If you let your wife know how you feel, you increase the chance that she will understand you and change something.
If you don’t know how to start such a conversation, you can say: “When you and mom talk about our private things, I feel uncomfortable.” or “I feel that what your mother thinks is more important to you than me.” It makes me feel distant and unappreciated.”
Sometimes a wife doesn’t understand how her relationship with her mother affects you.
Help her understand how it affects you and how it makes you feel. Such a non-accusatory approach should help you solve the problem.
3. Establish Boundaries
Another important step you can take is to establish healthy boundaries with your wife and her mother.
That can help create a sense of independence and autonomy for your wife while assuring you that your needs and wants are being considered.
Boundaries can take many forms, from limiting your wife’s time with her mother to setting guidelines for decision-making in your marriage.
It’s essential to clearly and precisely express your expectations and consistently adhere to them.
However, to set healthy boundaries, your wife must also fix them. You must know that you cannot set boundaries and make decisions for her. It can only be counterproductive.
Instead, talk, find a solution, and compromise that works for both sides.
4. Spend Quality Time Together
On the other hand, it’s necessary to work on the relationship between your wife and her mother and your marriage.
Do your best to show your wife that she has your support and that you are there for her. Make sure she feels safe in your marriage.
Spend quality time together, try new things, and discuss future and intimate topics.
Avoid blaming your wife for your relationship with your mother, but show interest in understanding that relationship and your desire for a healthy marriage.
5. Consider Couples Therapy
Finally, if you and your wife are struggling to resolve this issue on your own, consider seeking the help of a couples therapist.
A trained professional can help you and your spouse resolves any communication issues and can provide guidance and support as you work to build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship.
Additionally, encourage your wife to begin individual psychotherapy if her relationship with her mother is unhealthy.
She will need your help and support in those moments, so try to be there for her.
If your wife is too attached to her mother, navigating it can be difficult and frustrating.
However, you can work together on a better relationship by communicating openly, establishing healthy boundaries, and seeking professional help if needed.
Remember, it’s essential to approach this problem with patience, empathy, and understanding.
It may take time to establish healthy boundaries and build a stronger sense of connection with your spouse, but it is possible to create a more fulfilling marriage with persistence and effort.