Observing someone close to us struggling with negative thoughts is tough.
Self-loathing is a highly negative thought, which, in addition to hurting the person who feels that way, also hurts those around him.
Those with such thoughts can be our family members, spouses, friends, colleagues…
If we care about that person, our first instinct is to help.
One of the most human but difficult things is to say the right thing to someone in pain, especially in mental distress.
The more complicated the topics are, the more difficult the conversation is.
We must be careful not to cross the boundaries, or worse, to create an even bigger problem.
Sometimes emotions can come up suddenly, and you are confused about what you need to say now.
In some cases, it is much better to say nothing than something that will only cause more problems.
Maybe that call for help will be direct, and perhaps it will be indirect. You have to judge it when it’s time to step in to help.
Let’s just explain something before we go any further:
It’s always good when people going through a difficult period that causes negative thoughts towards themselves have an environment that wants to help them.
You can change a lot with your words, but sometimes not everything. That is why the help of a specialist is needed if a person has problems that cannot be easily dealt with.
Your words should be an act of support and improvement of that person’s condition, but not a treatment.
Now that we have explained that, let’s go further into our topic.
9 Signs That Someone Hates Themselves
In a person’s behavior and how he treats himself and others, we can conclude that someone hates himself.
Low Self-esteem
Low self-esteem goes hand in hand with self-hatred.
When someone hates himself, he diminishes his values and abilities, which is why self-confidence suffers.
Trapped in The Past
Constantly returning to what was instead of what is happening now can make a person negative about themselves.
Such people believe they were happier in the past and that nothing makes sense now.
Or worse, they worry about something they did in the past.
They may even feel their life is ruined by a past mistake.
Extremely Harsh Self-talk
Negative self-talk is extremely dangerous for our mental health.
That behavior creates such beliefs in our heads and limits us.
Such people know to say that they do not deserve anything for the slightest mistake they make.
Diminishing Own Qualities
Self-haters always focus on something they’re bad at instead of what they’re good at.
Even their successes and achievements are often viewed as insignificant.
Excessive perfectionism can lead to this.
Such people do not like to receive compliments and respond poorly to them.
Negative Beliefs
Always looking at the negative instead of the positive is the way of thinking of persons who hates themselves.
They always view their life negatively. However, in addition to my life, I can observe the whole world through the prism of negativity.
Such attitudes often lead to defeatist beliefs such as “What’s the point in anything.”
A Specific Problem
One specific problem can trigger the process of self-hatred.
Is it dissatisfaction with a dead-end job or the place we live in? Maybe it’s love problems?
All of this can trigger that negative process.
Neglect of Health
In addition to mental health, such people can also neglect physical health, although we know very well that it is all connected.
In addition to poor nutrition and poor sleep, there is often substance abuse.
Jealousy and Vanity
These two emotions come together and are characteristic of people who hate and work against themselves.
Instead of concentrating on themselves, such people always look at others and are jealous of other people’s successes.
For such people, “the grass is always greener in someone else’s yard.”
Victim Mentality
Playing the victim card is a safe bet for self-haters.
Whatever happens, they will be considered the victim because everything is the fault of others, and they are only victims.
A similar form of behavior to the victim mentality is the martyr complex.
These people like to put themselves through challenging situations to prove they are great martyrs.
What Should You Not Say to a Person Who Hates Themselves?
If we say inappropriate words to a person who is going through a difficult period and hates himself, we only worsen the situation.
It’s like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.
What are the most common incorrect phrases that can be heard in this case:
“Don’t hate yourself”
As if someone wants to hate himself on purpose and feel good about it.
According to this, then, telling him to stop means that he will automatically stop.
“I know how you feel”
In addition to this is “it was the same for me” or “it was even worse for me”.
With such comments, we minimize the importance of someone’s pain and shift focus to ourselves.
This is downright ugly and selfish behavior.
“It’s all in your head”
This is how we reduce the state in which the person is.
Since it’s all in your head, come to your senses and stop feeling that way, that’s what they expect of you.
“Some people have it much harder than you”
This is a form of guilt-tripping.
If some people have more problems in their life, you are not allowed to have a bad time then.
What Should You Say to a Person Who Hates Themselves?
If you want to avoid hurting someone who hates themselves, it is best to choose the right words, which can make a huge difference.
But let those words be accompanied by actions that will support them.
Reassuring things that you can say are:
“You have my attention”
It’s hard to get someone’s attention these days, especially for serious topics.
If you’ve started this conversation, don’t stare at the phone or zone out while your loved one tells you their problems.
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
Genuine sympathy and not fake sympathy are significant.
The importance of empathy should never be underestimated, only if it is genuine and sincere.
If we sincerely empathize, the other person will feel that emotion.
“I am here for you”
This is extremely important. To let the person who is going through a difficult period know that we are there for them.
But if you say that, then really be there, be someone to rely on.
“How can I help you”
If you feel the conversation has reached the right moment to offer your help, then do it.
If it is a specific and easily solvable problem, do it immediately.
More difficult and complex problems, such as a person’s entire negative beliefs, require more time and attention.
What Else Can You Say And do to Help?
First of all, don’t judge someone who hates themself.
People are complex beings. Anyone can reach that stage, however incredible it may seem to you.
Also, don’t judge other person mistakes who made them the way they are.
Be trustworthy, and create a safe space where the person you care about will feel safe.
If it doesn’t hurt them, remind them of their successes and achievements and the positive things they have in their lives.
Well-intentioned advice is always welcome, but don’t be too pushy with it.
If you are not asked for advice, do not give it and present yourself as if you know everything and can solve everything.
Do not throw various inspirational quotes, quick solutions, and life wisdom at a person who is in a difficult situation.
The role of a problem solver can be addicting to some people, but not everyone wants you to solve their problems for them.
Some problems are such that only the person who has them can solve them.
It’s up to you to be the best support possible.
And sometimes it’s best to say nothing but just be there for the one who needs it.
A silence that is understanding can mean much more than meaningless words.
Sometimes a hug is a good choice if it’s ok in the given situation.
All Things Considered,
You must understand that you can’t change anyone, especially someone in such a specific state of mind that they hate themselves.
It’s their decision to stop, and you are here to help.
Getting out of the darkness of self-hated is their journey. You can only be a candle that will help to find the way.
With a lot of love, support, understanding, and kindness, it is possible to help someone in this process.
And for all those reading this and feeling self-hatred, we have the following message for you:
“You are so much more worth than you think. You are not alone in this. I will be here if you need me. Stay strong!”
And you can use this message to help someone important to you. Good luck!