As much as body positivity is encouraged today, and more and more people are breaking out of that vicious circle of body shaming and accepting their bodies, you have a problem because someone close to you makes you feel bad about your body.
That person is your mother. How is it possible? Mothers are expected to be supportive and understanding and to love you no matter what.
Body shaming involves humiliating someone by making inappropriate or harmful comments about their body size or shape. That’s precisely what your mother does to you.
Why does your mother make you feel about your own body? Because you don’t fit into her beauty standards, she transfers her insecurities and beliefs onto you and thus makes you feel miserable and insecure, to the point of hating your body.
Are these questions bothering you:
- Why does your mother need to comment on your body and appearance?
- Can your mother stop making such comments, and how can you get her to stop?
- Do we all have to be models? Is it all about sizes and fits? Isn’t that shallow thinking?
If these are the questions you want to be answered, stay until the end of this article.
How Does Your Mother Make You Feel Bad About Your Body?
To advise you better, we first need to get to know your mother sufficiently and understand what kind of person she really is.
We know it’s painful for you, but we must go through how your mother makes you feel bad about your body. And those are:
1. Your Mother Compares You to Her
Mothers often do this without realizing that they are hurting their children.
Your mother has no problem emphasizing how good she looked at your age, “When I was at your age, I was always fit,” or she tells you, “Why didn’t you inherit the genes from me.” Um, because you inherit the genes from your father too.
It’s even worse if your mother tells you how she manages to look better than you at her age.
In addition to commenting on your body, how much you weigh, and whether you have gained or lost weight, she also criticizes how you dress and your style.
Your mother’s style is definitely more feminine, but you probably don’t pay much attention to it. She doesn’t understand your more casual approach to your appearance.
2. You and Your Mother Have Different Beauty Standards
Here, it is essential to emphasize the differences between generations and different body standards that have changed over time.
Your mother was probably influenced by the 80s, 90s, or y2k fashion of the 2000s. What is the characteristic of all these fashions? High beauty standards have been set for women.
In the 80s, women were obsessed with the athletic looks of supermodels like Cindy Crawford. You probably have an attic full of your mother’s VHS tapes with titles like “Workout from home like a supermodel.”
With the 90s came the grunge period, so the heroine chic style became popular. That dominantly thin style carried over into the 2000s too.
Why are we talking about all this? Because women were massively burdened by chasing those perfect dimensions, that ideal weight, style…
These were the ultimate beauty standards for women of that time, and now they don’t understand today’s terms like body positivity.
They ignore that in addition to being bad for mental health to chase some imposed ideals, these looks often entailed starvation and overly strict diets that created eating disorders, such as anorexia.
3. Your Mother Compares You With Others
Although we mentioned some beauty standards for women in the last part, which were present before, it does not mean that even today, despite all the body positivity talk, we still don’t have some high, unrealistic beauty standards. That will never change.
Your mother looks at how some girls dress and look on social media today and comments why you can’t be like them.
She probably forces you to go to the gym and work out, even though you don’t want to and hate exercising.
It’s even worse if your mother compares you to one of your friends or relatives.
“Why can’t you dress more nicely like your cousin?” or “My friend’s daughter is very athletic, and you are always in front of a computer.”
She may not hesitate to compare and comment on you in front of others, making you feel highly uncomfortable.
4. Your Mother Makes Comments About Your Eating
Have you realized you can’t comfortably eat if your mother is present? She has a comment on everything you eat.
She tells you, “No wonder you put on so much weight eating that crap,” or “Do you have to eat that much?”
Your mother probably makes you cook your own food instead of ordering it all the time. Even though she knows you hate cooking.
We understand that your mother worries about your health because some food is harmful and excessive consumption can lead to various health problems.
But the way she tells you this is highly offensive. And if you sometimes eat food that is not the healthiest choice, it does not mean you should receive a barrage of insults from your mother.
5. Your Mother Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
It’s not just about your body and looks; it’s more than that.
Ugly comments about your body from your mother are just the tip of the iceberg.
She comments on everything about you but in a negative way, without hesitation.
So your education, job, career, marital status, husband, and everything else is the target of your mother’s criticism.
She likes to associate your failures with your physical appearance. For example, “If you looked better, your marriage would last longer.”
This is how your mother makes you feel bad about yourself. Because of some of her insecurities, you doubt yourself. All because she projected it onto you.
Often when you stop and think about it, you feel like your mother has ruined your life with her comments and lack of understanding and support.
How Do You Get Your Mother to Stop Commenting on Your Body? 3 Essential Tips
Enough with the comments about your body. You are fed up with the insecurity about yourself that your mother imposes on you.
It’s time for a change. Here’s how to achieve it:
1. Understand Your Mother’s Intentions
We are not justifying your mother, but we advise you to understand what is hidden behind her comments so that you know better how to deal with them.
Are her insecurities or concern for your health hiding behind them? Is it her desire to control your life or her general misunderstanding of you?
There are also specific generational differences that you definitely need to understand, but so does your mother.
2. Tell Your Mother How You Feel
Your mother may not even be aware that she is hurting you. She thinks her comments about your looks are actually good for you because they will make you change.
“I only comment about your body because I love you and want the best for you” is what she will probably tell you.
What kind of love is it when you feel sad, hurt, disrespected, and hating your body because of that love? Definitely toxic love.
That’s why you must tell your mother how much her words hurt you.
3. Set Clear Boundaries
Your body, your rules – make it clear to your mother.
If she doesn’t want to respect that, you don’t have to have a conversation with her.
The key is creating boundaries, which implies that your mother stops talking about your body, giving you the advice you didn’t ask for about losing weight or comparing you to others.
When she comments about your body or weight, say, “Please stop talking about my body; otherwise, I will walk out of the room.” If she doesn’t stop, leave the room for real.
If her comments have led you to the point where you can no longer have a normal conversation with your mother, it’s time to limit your conversation. You are not the problem here. She is the problem because she does not respect the boundaries that you have clearly set for her.
Most Importantly – Love Yourself and Your Body
All this negative influence from your mother can take a toll on you and make you dislike your body.
You are perfect just like you are, and you must keep telling yourself that.
Try repeating these simple but effective positive affirmations about your body:
- “I feel good in my body.”
- “I love my body just the way it is.”
- “I’m proud of my body.”
- “My body makes me feel confident.”
Your mother commenting on your body says more about her insecurities than yours.
If you feel that you need to change your appearance, it does not mean you should hate your body. Allow yourself to change for yourself and not for others.
Never allow yourself to succumb to society’s pressure on your appearance and chase some imposed beauty trends. Remember:
“You define the beauty yourself. Society doesn’t define your beauty”
– Lady Gaga.
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