Although a child is expected to be full of love towards his parents, sometimes it’s not like that, especially when that child becomes an adult.
You are also going through such a situation. You have no feelings for your mother and may even hate her.
Why don’t you have feelings for your mother? Potential reasons are that she doesn’t have feelings for you either, wasn’t there for you when needed, wasn’t supportive, or neglected you.
We will say right away that all of this is very painful, and we are sorry you went through it.
Everyone deserves a parent’s love, but then again, there are instances like yours when things just don’t turn out how they should.
This can leave a deep scar on your soul, affect your mental health, and even hold you back. Unresolved emotions from the past can hold you back in the present.
Therefore, it is best to understand why you do not have feelings for your mother but also to decide whether it is justified to feel that way or if she still deserves another chance.
This article will help you with that.
Why Don’t You Have Feelings For Your Mother? 6 Possible Reasons
Do you have no feelings for your mother or even hate her?
Usually, when people say they don’t have feelings for someone anymore, they also hate that person. Maybe you actually hate your mother.
And we’re not talking about that rebellious teenage “I hate you, mom” attitude. This much more profound hatred has stayed with you even now when you are an adult.
There must be strong reasons for all that. They can be:
1. Your Mother Neglected You As A Child
Parenting is not easy. As adults, we often find fault with our parents and how they treated us.
But what if we are right? Did you often feel neglected during your childhood?
Neglecting a child means the failure of the parents to provide them with essential means of living, such as food, shelter, clothes, and medical care.
And we will not compare this with poverty. Because even in poverty-stricken families, caring parents struggle to provide children with at least the most basic.
The issue here is the irresponsibility of your parents, or rather your mother, in providing you with all these things.
Some people don’t take the role of parenting seriously.
Parenting requires serious commitment and selflessness, and putting your child before yourself.
Your mother was not parenting material.
2. Your Mother Wasn’t Present
Due to various circumstances, your mother abandoned you, and you spent your childhood without her.
Whether she remarried or had another family, your mother was absent.
Maybe your father raised you only, or your stepmother was also present. In any case, you have emotions for the people who raised you, not for your mother, who was not present.
It is possible that now you have a situation where she wants to come back into your life, but you don’t want it because you don’t see her as your mother and don’t have feelings for her.
3. Your Mother Had Serious Problems
Life with your mother was a constant roller coaster of unpleasant and difficult moments.
She had, and maybe still has various serious issues. These can be substance abuse, unresolved mental health issues, difficulties keeping a job and maintaining a serious relationship…
Because of all this, when you look back at your life with your mother, you feel like you were in hell.
Everything always revolved around her problems and drama, and you didn’t even have time to be a child.
Growing up before your time so you could take care of yourself was your only option.
Your mother didn’t know how to care for herself, and therefore not about you either.
Maybe even today, she gets into trouble and asks for your help and money to get out of trouble.
4. Your Mother Instilled Insecurities in You
She was present and didn’t neglect you, but again she did some things wrong.
Her constant criticism left you full of various insecurities.
The saying, “If there were no parents, there would be no psychologists,” is not far from the truth.
What insecurities did your mother instill in you?
We will take the example of a mother who is a perfectionist.
She wanted you to be the best in everything. That’s why she signed up for all those extracurricular activities. Your childhood was filled with obligations. Clearly, this type of mother is also overly controlling.
Because of this kind of mother, today, you have enormous insecurities and feel anxious if you are not good at something. But you can’t be the best at everything; whoever doesn’t realize that will face harsh disappointments.
Another example is if your mother has always commented on your physical appearance, especially your weight. This type of body shaming can leave you full of various insecurities about your physical appearance.
5. Your Mother Is A Narcissist
It’s hard to deal with a narcissist, especially if it’s your mother.
Narcissistic mothers can make a mess of your life.
Due to her selfishness and narcissism, two traits that go well together, she is ready for all kinds of destructive behavior.
Maybe she is even one of the causes of problems in your marriage because you and your husband constantly argue because of her.
She also always uses various manipulative methods to get what she wants.
Gaslighting, guilt-tripping, playing the victim, lying, whatever it takes just to keep her in the spotlight.
6. Your Mother Never Understood You
Children and parents can love each other, but that does not mean they can understand each other.
Different temperaments, personalities, interests, and generational differences can influence that you and your mother are two completely opposite worlds.
And the problem is not only that she never understood you but that she restricted you in your goals.
She had her vision of your life and how it should be. That’s ok while you’re still a little kid, but as you grow up, you need to develop your interests.
Your mother has always thought that everything that interested you was stupid. From your music, and dressing style, to what you want to do when you grow up.
She only had one pattern for you and didn’t support you in anything outside of that box.
It’s painful when your mother is someone who cuts off your wings toward the realization of your dreams.
With such a strict mother, it was difficult for you to have an honest conversation and share your feelings.
Is it normal not to like your mom?
It’s definitely not common because usually, children adore their parents.
We know it’s strange that you don’t love your mother and have no feelings for her, but ask yourself if she deserved them.
If there was a history of abuse from her in your childhood, too much misunderstanding, lack of support, and lack of presence, it is not surprising that you have no feelings for her.
How to deal with a lack of emotions toward your mother?
If you think your mother ruined your life, it’s no wonder you don’t have feelings for her. Or you have feelings of hatred.
Therefore, it is crucial that you first of all work on yourself so that you can be satisfied and walk safely through life.
Focus on positive relationships. This can help you to create a sense of belonging and fulfillment that may be lacking in your relationship with your mother.
Therapy can help you with that. It is an excellent way to work through emotional trauma or past issues that may hinder one’s ability to develop affection towards their mother.
Also, setting boundaries is necessary if your mother is still abusive or toxic. It’s essential to set boundaries to protect yourself from further harm.
Why is letting go of the hatred towards your mother necessary?
“Hate is like a poison that kills the roots of your soul.”
Letting go of all hatred is generally necessary, especially towards someone as important as a mother.
Hate is a negative emotion that can only keep you in the past and affect your well-being.
Whatever your mother did, work to put the hatred behind you, even if it means you no longer want your mother in your life.
In The End – Should You Give Your Mother Another Chance?
If the fact that you don’t have feelings for your mother hurts you and you want that to change, consider giving her another chance.
Consider all the reasons and understand why she was mean to you. Especially take into account if she also had a history of abuse in childhood or mental health issues.
Who knows, maybe your mother has changed and realized her mistakes, and now she deserves you to develop wonderful emotions toward her.
However, if she hasn’t changed, at least now, you certainly know why you don’t have feelings for her, and if that’s the case, it should stay that way.