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My Wife Gives Money to Her Parents – How to Deal With That?

Arguments about money are common in marriages.

However, you have a specific situation because people outside your marriage, your wife’s parents, are also involved.

She gives them money regularly, and it doesn’t look like she will stop.

Your wife sends them money to repay them for everything they have done for her or because she is a good person who cares for others, but maybe her parents are greedy and take advantage of her kindness.

Mother and daughter arguing

The situation is complicated because your wife’s parents are her weak point, and you know there will be an argument if you mention it.

What should you do then?

You don’t want to come off as a bad and insensitive person, but you don’t want your savings to keep going to your wife’s parents.

Keep reading this article, and we may give you a solution.

Why Does Your Wife Give Money to Her Parents? 3 Reasons

Let’s go through the potential scenarios of why your wife sends money to her parents.

1. She is an Empath And a Good Person

If you have more than enough money, and she wants to help her parents, who are old, we don’t see a problem with this.

Especially if the two of you agree on how much money to send to her parents.

If she respects that and doesn’t secretly send more money to her parents, that’s totally fine.

2. She Feels Obligated to Repay Her Parents

Let’s assume that your wife comes from a family that was not in an enviable financial situation, but everything was made possible for her.

Her parents worked day and night so that she would succeed in life.

A lot was invested in her education so that she could have a successful career and a good life.

Maybe even your wife is originally from another country and had to move to have a better life.

Now that she’s made it, she wants to repay her parents for everything they’ve done for her.

3. Her Parents Are Greedy

We hope that you are not a person who is burdened with material things because it is not all about money but also about respect.

What if your wife’s parents don’t know how to respect the money you give them?

This is the worst-case scenario, especially if your wife is a good person and feels obligated to her parents.

Her parents have a decent life right now.

They have good pensions that can cover all their expenses.

But apparently, that’s not enough for them, especially if you and your wife earn a lot.

They manipulate your wife into sending them money regularly so they can travel or enjoy themselves.

Such overcontrolling parents probably tell her, “We did everything for you; now it’s your turn to take care of us.”

It is irrelevant that the money being sent to her parents was supposed to be for a new apartment or college saving for the kids.

Your wife’s parents have no problem asking for money, and your wife does not know how to refuse them.

We understand that you don’t like your wife’s parents because of all this.

What Are The Duties of a Daughter Towards Her Parents After Marriage?

This is a very relative question, and there is no universal answer for all situations.

There are considerable differences in cultures according to this situation.

If your wife has a more traditional upbringing, don’t be surprised by this.

It would be best if the daughter maintained a good relationship with her parents but did not neglect her marriage.

Of course, you don’t want her to completely cut off her relationship with her parents.

It depends on what kind of situation they are in, as far as their age and health are concerned.

Be sure to consider whether they helped you when you started living together.

Maybe now is the time for you to help them back.

But there is no point in your wife sending every hard-earned money to her parents, especially if their situation is not that bad.

It’s not ok that you live in a small apartment just so you can send money to her parents, who don’t know how to appreciate it.

How to Deal With Financially Dependent In-laws? 3 Major Tips

You think the situation is out of control and feel the financial consequences because your wife keeps sending money to her parents. 

It’s time to do something about it.

We know you don’t want to come across as a bad and insensitive guy, but the situation calls for action.

Here’s what you should do:

1. Discuss Your Financial Situation With Your Spouse

We know that every money talk can be a touchy subject.

Not all couples have the same attitude toward money.

Some have only mutual money, while others have separate money they can dispose of as they wish.

If your wife wants to send her money to her parents, do you even have the right to object?

However, if you have some common financial goals that you want to achieve, it is not fair that you alone contribute to them.

It’s not ok that you work hard every day and come tired from work, and your wife sends all that money to her parents.

2. Find The Middle Ground

Finding a common solution is possible for you and your wife to be satisfied.

Once you’ve determined your financial situation, consider her parents’ situation.

If your budget won’t feel that you are helping them financially here and there, why should you be against it?

Especially if your wife’s parents are lovely people who know how to be grateful for what you do for them.

It is essential that your wife does not secretly send money to her parents and does not lie to you about that because this only damages your relationship.

3. Point Out to Your Wife That Her Parents Are Taking Advantage of Her

We know your wife may react emotionally, but some hard realizations may be necessary.

Your wife may be wonderful, full of empathy and love for her parents, but she overlooks the obvious.

Her parents lie that they don’t have any money.

They have no problem playing victims and talking about how they are forgotten and neglected to reach their goal, which is money.

If this is the case, you have a difficult conversation with your wife, where there may be tears, but that conversation has to happen eventually, so why not right now.

We are not saying that your wife should cut off contact with her parents, but some boundaries must be set.

Taking All of This Into Account,

You and your wife are not an ATM for her parents.

Your future as a couple is most important and should come first.

But if you are in such a situation that you have enough for yourself and can help her parents, who know how to appreciate it, you are truly blessed.

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