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What to Do if My Husband Keeps Giving Money to His Mother?

Have you noticed lately that your husband keeps giving money to his mother even though he knows it bothers you? 

Such behavior makes you angry, and you don’t know what to do, right? 

Although it is common for married couples to have financial problems, they can lead to unpleasant situations.

If your husband keeps giving money to his mother even though you are now married, it can cause tension in your relationship and finances. In such situations, you can do several things to try to solve the problem constructively. Some of them are conversation, joint account, and counseling. But what is the real reason why your husband still sends money to his family?

toxic mother in law

Why Does My Husband Keep Giving Money to His Mother?

Given that finances play a significant role in any marriage, it’s crucial to find a way to make it work for both. 

However, if your husband spends money without consulting you, it can trigger many problems in the marriage.

Such problems often arise due to inequality in earning and managing finances

Common issues arise when one of the partners earns more or has a different money management style. 

Different beliefs and attitudes towards money that we all develop over the years contribute to this, and later we have to harmonize them with our partner’s views. But that can be challenging for all of us.

Some beliefs can be related to some important questions:

  • Who should earn more?
  • Should you have joint money or not?
  • How much money is okay to spend?
  • Should you borrow money?
  • Is it okay to give money to in-laws?

Such beliefs can lead to different views on money and marriage harmonies. 

However, the reasons why your husband gives money to his mother or someone in the family can be various. 

Some of the most common reasons are the following.

His Mother Needs Financial Help

Sometimes it really happens that someone gets into financial problems and turns to the family for help. 

So it is possible that the husband’s mother needs financial help and support, and your husband has decided to help her.

Such situations are common. However, it’s typical that such cases are rare and don’t repeat that often.

Close Emotional Attachment to Mother 

On the other hand, maybe your husband is closely attached to his mother and primary family. 

Because of this, he feels responsible for her life. Giving money to her may be a way to show his support and love.

Personal Values That Prioritize Family Above Everything Else

Different beliefs that people grow up with can also be reflected in adulthood. 

Thus, beliefs and personal values that the family comes first and above all else can be the reason for helping the mother.

Sense of Guilt About Something

Another reason your husband continues to give money to his mother is a sense of guilt. 

He may feel guilty for something he did or didn’t do, so he sees providing financial support as a way to make up for it.

He may feel guilty for moving away from his family and leaving them to deal with their problems on their own. 

On the other hand, this type of guilt is often closely related to the close bond with the mother.

Emotional Manipulation 

In addition, there is also the possibility that your husband’s mother is emotionally manipulating him by making him feel guilty. 

Sometimes mothers feel that they have “lost” their son or will “lose” him, so they try to manipulate him in different ways, making him feel obligated to help them.

Lack of Boundaries

Related to emotional manipulation, it can also be a lack of boundaries. 

Your husband probably doesn’t have clear boundaries with his mother and struggles to say “NO” to her requests for money.

What Can You Do if Your Husband Keeps Giving Money to His Mother?

Now that you understand at least part of the reason why your husband gives money to his mother, it’s time to think about how it affects your relationship and you personally. 

It’s understandable if this is the reason why you are angry with your husband and his family. Especially if you never do anything similar.

In that case, you can do a few things to solve the problem with him. What is essential is to start by putting yourself in his shoes and trying to understand the whole situation. 

First of all, you can try to answer the questions:

  • How do I feel about that?
  • Is this the first time this situation has happened, or is it repeated?
  • Did I tell my husband that I hate such behavior?
  • How did he react then?
  • How do I act when I find out that my husband gives money to his mother even though I told him that it bothers me?

Once you have answered these questions, try some of the following tips.

1. Talk to Your Husband and Understand the Reason for Such Behaviour

Before you do anything, talk openly with your husband about what you think about his actions and how you feel. 

There is a possibility that your husband doesn’t know how you feel about it and thinks that his behavior is acceptable to you too.

Only through open conversation can you understand each other. Your husband will thus understand how you feel about it and what you think. 

On the other side, you will understand the reasons for his helping the family.

Avoiding norms and rules and devoting yourself to your needs and desires is essential. 

It’s essential to act in a way that suits both and find a compromise.

2. Set Financial Boundaries

Certainly, the setting of boundaries is vital for a satisfied life. Financial boundaries are no less important than other boundaries we set. That’s why it’s essential to establish and adhere to them to avoid problems.

Make a good plan to prevent your finances and relationship from being affected if your husband feels it’s financially feasible to help his mother. In this case, you both must agree and feel good about the decision. Create goals together and sort out the budget to satisfy all sides.

If your husband thinks it’s not financially feasible to keep giving money to his mother but still feels the pressure to do so – then he has to set boundaries. An open conversation with the mother is important so she can understand his decision and respect the boundaries.

And finally, if your husband thinks it’s okay to send money to his family and you don’t – go back to step number one and talk to him. Find what the problem is and consider potential solutions. It’s essential to be honest, open, and willing to compromise.

3. Create a Joint Account With Your Husband

If you don’t have a problem with your husband sending money to his mother but still feel dissatisfied because of the impact on your finances – create a joint account. 

A joint account with your husband will help you to have more control over your own finances. 

If this method sounds acceptable and interesting to you, it will help you to bring order to your finances and reduce worry. 

In this way, you will have safe money for joint expenses, and everyone will be able to dispose of their part of the money as they wish.

4. Encourage Your Husband to Seek a Therapist and Solve the Family-Boundaries Issue

And finally, if you think the problem is more profound than the lousy management of money and the family’s financial issues, encourage your husband to seek help. 

Help in the form of psychotherapy will help your husband understand what the problem is. 

It will help him work on changing his beliefs and setting boundaries to make his life more fulfilling.

However, you should keep in mind that your husband is probably also going through a difficult time. Blaming, criticizing, and arguing will not contribute to the solution to the problem but will only deepen it. 

That’s why it is essential that you try to understand his behavior and also offer him support.

On the other hand, you must think about your mental health, well-being, and needs. Talk to your husband about what’s bothering you. But also talk to your family, friend, or another close person. 

It will help you clear your mind, lighten your burden and share it with someone.

In conclusion

If your husband continues to give money to his mother, having an open and honest conversation about your concerns and feelings is vital. 

Try to understand the reasons behind his actions and find a compromise that will suit both of you. Set boundaries and financial goals, and consider seeking professional help if needed. 

You can overcome this challenge and strengthen your relationship with effective communication and mutual understanding.

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