If your husband drinks every night, regardless of how much alcohol he consumes, it is almost a sure sign of addiction.
Any addiction generally indicates that a person lacks healthy emotion regulation mechanisms.
Maybe your husband can’t relax in any other way, he avoids talking about something, or he doesn’t know how to talk about how he feels because he doesn’t know how to recognize and name his feelings.
Indeed, the first step toward a solution is to recognize the problem.
No matter how well you know each other or how long you know each other, there are some things you can’t predict or know about each other.
Maybe your husband never seemed like someone who was into pizza.
Perhaps you, too, could start drinking under certain sufficiently stressful circumstances, as long as nothing has happened yet that exceeds your tolerance threshold.
These are all topics to think about, but the bottom line is that you shouldn’t immediately jump to conclusions and judge your husband for drinking.
This text will help you understand the reasons for your husband’s behavior.
We will provide suggestions on how to communicate with your husband about it and recognize whether there is a big problem behind his drinking or he just suffers from a bad habit.
3 Major Reasons Why Your Husband Would Rather Drink Than Be With You
The way we handle emotions is not a trait we were born with. It is a skill we learn throughout life.
Ideally, you learn how to handle stress with calmness and strength thanks to caring and understanding parents who showed just enough amount of support toward you.
But, the thing is, not all parents are mature or ready for parenting. And, if our parents didn’t know how to handle their stress and anxiety, we don’t have who to learn that skill from, so we end up repeating their patterns.
For men, the situation can be especially complicated because they are often culturally conditioned to nurture an image of machoism which is the opposite of emotional maturity.
So, let’s take a closer look at all the reasons that may be behind your husband’s desire to drink.
1. Lack of Emotional Literacy
Many men seem extremely stable under normal circumstances.
Still, when faced with stress that exceeds their current capacity, instead of seeking help, they just shut down and focus on denying and suppressing the problem.
Maybe your husband even hates alcohol, but he can’t stop drinking because that’s how he faces problems.
This way of handling the problem is most often a pattern learned in childhood. They do not have the idea that it is ok to seek help to talk about the issue.
They often don’t even want to admit to a woman that they have a problem.
Instead, they hide and withdraw in the hope that everything will magically resolve itself.
Even if you ask them directly what the problem is and what they are avoiding, they won’t be able to tell you because they can’t define what they feel – fear, sadness, anger, or anxiety.
If you blame this kind of man for preferring to drink rather than be with you, in addition to all the other complex emotions he can’t name, you additionally impose a sense of guilt on him.
Instead, try to be there for him.
Show him that you accept what he’s going through and that there is a way to solve every problem.
2. He Can’t Relax Without Getting Drunk
Suppose your husband is a highly responsible person who works a lot.
In that case, if he is used to taking care of everyone and not complaining about problems but carrying all his burdens himself if he is a perfectionist for whom only what is extremely good is good enough, it is quite logical that he cannot relax without any additional stimuli.
These people usually grew up in family circumstances where they had to assume the role of an adult too early.
They were never allowed to relax and have fun and just be kids.
He goes through life with a great fear that something terrible will happen if he accidentally relaxes too much or relaxes before finishing all the work.
It’s a heavy burden, and he probably has no idea why he feels that way.
The only way he can escape from that feeling is alcohol or some other psychoactive substance.
The good thing about these people is that because of their powerful urge to control, they rarely become true addicts.
However, it is challenging for them to relax and admit that they have a problem. Plus, there’s the risk of your husband getting caught drinking at the job.
It is wrong to look for justifications and excuses for alcoholism simply because it does not lead us to a solution.
But it is important to understand that no one consciously chooses to be an addict, that it is the only way a person knows how to react at a given moment.
Try to show your husband that he can rely on you, that you also carry part of the burden, and that you can face and solve problems independently.
He would begin to feel that he, too, could rely on someone and that the whole world would not collapse if he accidentally relaxed.
3. He Feels Betrayed by You
Suppose you recently had problems in your relationship because your husband was disappointed in you for some reason, and you somehow decided to save the marriage.
In that case, it is possible that he still has difficulty overcoming that disappointment.
At the same time, he cannot turn to you for help because you are the reason for his disappointment.
In such a situation, especially if you were very close, he can feel isolated, lonely, and as if he is alone in the world.
All that, as understandable as it is, is certainly not a justification for alcohol abuse.
Certainly, it is difficult for you to show him that, despite this disappointment, he can still rely on you.
In such a complicated situation, often the simplest and most effective solution is to seek the help of a professional.
Every marriage goes through different challenges.
It is not a question of whether you will have problems but only whether you will be willing to meet these challenges or not.
It is easy to love someone when everything runs smoothly.
The greatest challenges in a relationship can be the greatest testaments of love.
If you are determined to stay together, there’s no obstacle you can not overcome.
Be patient, don’t act like there is no problem, insist on consulting an expert, and show your husband attention and love.
What If Your Husband Gets Violent When He Drinks
One, two, or three beers get your husband in the mood to insult others, provoke conflicts, and threaten with rage?
The number of beers that get him in the mood for a fight is unimportant.
Talking to him when he drinks is impossible because he becomes furious.
The major issue here is the repressed rage and threatening behavior that can traumatize you, your kids, and everyone around you.
Maybe your husband is the sweetest man in the world when he is sober, but you have to know there is a thin line between verbal and physical violence, and you never know when he will cross it.
In cases like this, you must ask for help and notify your family that you may be in danger.
The more your husband refuses help, the greater the danger for you.
There is no excuse for violence, and you should never put up with it.
Sadly, real progress can only be made if your spouse is prepared to acknowledge a problem and seek assistance.
Know that you cannot be held liable for helping your spouse achieve health if they refuse to change and move ahead. Your spouse needs to initiate the process of healing.
It could be time to think about hiring a professional interventionist if your spouse isn’t interested in getting healthier.
Considering All of The Facts
Does your husband have a drinking problem?
It might be challenging to determine if your partner’s drinking habits are entirely normal or indicate a more serious problem.
But a few crucial elements, including how frequently and how much he consumes alcohol, might give you a hint.
Healthy drinkers don’t use alcohol frequently or excessively enough to pose a risk of developing a problem.
Alcoholics, however, behave differently. An alcoholic is physically and mentally hooked on consuming alcohol regularly and frequently finds it difficult to stop once they start.
An indication of alcoholic behavior is when your spouse consistently drinks to the point of intoxication and expresses a desire to get wasted quickly.
Alcoholics frequently start drinking before they get to a gathering where there will be further drinking to gain a head start.
They may be doing this to alleviate their fear about the occasion or the attendees.
Discuss with your spouse the effects excessive drinking has on your relationship, health, and money.