The subject of marriage has always occupied an important place in every relationship. Even if the partners do not want to get married, it is still an unavoidable topic because they have to agree on their views on it.
Your boyfriend is firm in his view that marriage is pointless, and he doesn’t see the point of marriage. However, as soon as you read this, you have a different attitude and would like to wear a wedding dress one day.
There are several reasons why your boyfriend might think marriage is pointless, such as his opinion that it’s just a piece of paper or negative beliefs about marriage. He could also have a fear of commitment or not see a future with you.
All this can be especially painful because you consider marriage the crown of any successful relationship.
What to do in this delicate situation? Stay in a relationship with a guy for whom marriage is pointless, or turn around and leave?
First, you need to understand better why your boyfriend has such beliefs so that you know how to react.
5 Main Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Thinks Marriage is Pointless
Agreeing on views is the foundation of any relationship.
Your boyfriend automatically, on the topic of marriage, says it’s pointless and quickly changes the subject.
What are the reasons why he thinks this way about marriage:
1. He Thinks It’s Just an Irrelevant Paper
There is a saying that “a marriage is just a piece of paper if it is not a happy one.”
Not everyone sees marriage as the ultimate marker of commitment.
Some people believe their love and dedication to each other are strong enough without needing a legal contract.
Your boyfriend might fall into this category, valuing emotional connection over societal norms.
If your boyfriend is not a fan of bureaucracy and values emotional connections over legal formalities, he may view marriage as an unnecessary risk.
This is particularly true for non-traditional individuals concerned about marriage’s legal aspects overshadowing their emotional connection.
2. Negative Beliefs About Marriage
Negative beliefs about marriage usually come from the family.
Your boyfriend had many negative role models regarding marriage in his family.
If your boyfriend has witnessed failed marriages or experienced the aftermath of a bitter divorce in his family, he might associate marriage with unhappiness and uncertainty.
This may also be related to some of his past experiences, especially if he already has a failed marriage behind him. Traumas, emotional baggage, or trust issues make him hesitant to take a step toward marriage.
3. Fear That Your Relationship Will Change After Marriage
Your boyfriend has probably heard examples from his friends of how their relationship went sour when they married.
He noticed that many couples experience a decrease in happiness after marriage compared to when they were in a relationship.
Men often believe that women change from sweet girlfriends to nervous wives.
He fears everything will change when you say that famous “I do.” It’s like the magic you two have will suddenly disappear.
This has created some aversion to marriage in him; therefore, he thinks he will save your precious relationship if you two avoid the “marriage trap.”
4. Fear of Commitment
One of the most common reasons behind the skepticism towards marriage is the fear of commitment.
Marriage is a huge commitment and a big step in any relationship.
Your boyfriend thinks that he is not ready to take such a big step, so his defense mechanism is to say that marriage is pointless.
That fear may be related to the fact that your boyfriend is not yet ready for all that marriage entails.
Perhaps he is not yet prepared for adulthood, as his parents have always done everything for him. It is likely their responsibility for his unpreparedness for adult life. He’s still a teenager at heart and has other priorities.
He may also doubt that he is ready to have only one partner for life. If his friends are still enjoying their single life, your boyfriend may be afraid that he will miss out on something if he gets married.
There’s also your boyfriend’s deep belief that marriage will restrain him and that he won’t be able to achieve all the goals he’s set out to achieve.
Modern society places a significant emphasis on individual autonomy and personal freedom. Some people fear that marriage might restrict their independence and personal growth.
5. He Doesn’t Envision a Future With You
This is something that can hurt you the most. However, it is better to confront this difficult possibility as soon as possible.
It is important to consider the length of time you have been together and how well you know each other.
It’s unrealistic to expect a new partner to immediately dive into discussions about marriage. It takes time to build that level of intimacy.
Even if he’s expressed that he doesn’t see the value in marriage early in a relationship, that doesn’t necessarily mean his perspective won’t shift over time.
However, he may show that he’s solely interested in a physical relationship with no emotional connection. In that case, it’s essential to consider whether or not that’s the relationship you want to be a part of.
It can be challenging when you’ve been in a long-term relationship, and your partner hesitates to take a step toward marriage.
This could indicate that the relationship may have hit a rough patch, and your boyfriend may be struggling with unresolved emotions. As a result, he may not envision a future with you.
What Can You Do When Your Boyfriend Thinks Marriage is Pointless?
It’s understandable if you’re disappointed and lost due to your boyfriend’s behavior.
You’re probably thinking, “Why am I even wasting my time with this guy when he’s never going to marry me?”
If he loves you like he says, why doesn’t he put a ring on it, right? At least, that’s what the well-known song says.
Here’s what you need to do:
- Respect His Views
It’s crucial to respect your boyfriend’s point of view, even if it differs from yours.
Keep in mind that each individual’s experiences and beliefs influence their opinions. Rather than pushing for a change in opinion, focus on finding common ground.
Don’t automatically accuse your boyfriend of disrespecting or not loving you because he doesn’t think about marriage like you do.
- Share Your Perspective
While understanding his point of view is essential, don’t hesitate to share your thoughts and feelings about marriage.
Just as he is entitled to his opinion, so are you. Don’t let him convince you that you are “old fashioned” because you think marriage is the logical course of any successful relationship.
Explain why marriage holds significance for you and how it aligns with your values and aspirations.
- Tell Him Positives About Marriage
Your boyfriend believes that marriage is pointless. Try to explain to him what positive things can come from marriage.
Marriage is not just a piece of paper. Even if it is, that piece of paper has enormous legal significance.
But the emotional aspect is much more important. Explain to your boyfriend that you don’t want marriage to change him but to make your relationship even stronger than it already is. That’s the whole point.
You don’t have to become another boring married couple who drowns in the daily routine and ends up unhappy without even realizing it.
Successful marriage aims for partners to become closer, grow together, and overcome obstacles as a team.
- Reconsider Your Beliefs
Many couples today choose to remain in a happy, committed relationship without getting married.
Staying in a relationship where two people have different viewpoints on marriage can be challenging, but look at the relationship with your boyfriend in its entirety.
Sometimes, our opinions can change over time, particularly if we have a compelling reason to do so.
Can you change your beliefs about the importance of marriage because of your boyfriend? Are you ready to take such a step for him? Only you know the answer to this question.
Finally – Be Prepared to Walk Away
Not all relationships have a happy ending and do not end in marriage.
If you truly desire marriage, staying with someone just because you’ve been together for a long time may not be good for your mental health. It’s essential to be prepared to walk away and not compromise on your deepest desires.
You don’t want to spend who knows how many more years wondering if your boyfriend will ever propose to you.
It’s no longer about marriage but finding happiness in a relationship.
Whether marriage becomes a part of your journey or not, the most important thing is to be in a relationship filled with mutual love, respect, and commitment.