Since you are here, you must have asked yourself: “Why does my husband get angry when I ask him to do something?” Have you noticed that he gets angry quickly if you ask him to help you with household chores? Does that make you feel like you are alone in everything and that you don’t have his support?
We understand you. It can be challenging to know why your partner behaves like that and to face the whole situation. His behavior can be the result of many ways of thinking and feeling. Your husband may believe he shouldn’t do what you ask or feel insecure, overwhelmed, or stressed. Let’s explore 8 reasons your husband gets angry when you ask him to do something.
Why Does Your Husband Get Angry When You Ask Him to Do Something?
As all people are different, so are the causes of their behavior. Not every husband is the same, so it’s challenging to draw generalized conclusions.
We can’t just say that your husband expects you to do everything. However, we cannot say that the problem is with you.
However, what is sure – such behavior is not healthy for your relationship.
Yet, to solve problems in marriage, it’s essential to understand the other person. To succeed, we must adequately address the problem or the causes of someone’s behavior.
Based on that, we will know how to solve the problem.
First, try to understand why your husband gets angry when you ask him to do something or help you. Possible reasons include conflicts, unresolved issues, dysfunctional beliefs, etc. Let’s find out more about that.
1. Your Husband Thinks It Is Not His Responsibility to Do That
There is a possibility your husband may think that what you are asking of him is not his responsibility. That’s why he refuses and becomes angry that you even ask him to do it.
Such situations sometimes occur if the husband deeply believes he should not do household chores or similar things. He may believe that you should deal with it and that he doesn’t need to participate.
Such attitudes may stem from the family and social values he grew up with.
The problem arises if you don’t communicate your wishes, needs, and the fact that you both live in the house and that your home is a joint obligation.
2. Your Husband Feels Criticized
One of the reasons for reacting angrily in these situations can be the feeling that you are criticizing more than asking him. Depending on your behavior (and his beliefs), he may feel uncomfortable for valid or no-valid reasons.
It’s valid behavior if you use sentences like “You never do anything, at least do this.” or “The way you’re doing it, it’s no good. Do it better.”
He may also perceive quite ordinary requests as criticism for some other reason. It would be helpful to check what it is about, to find common ground and solve the problem.
3. He Thinks You Always Control Him
Your partner may be angry and feel trapped if he feels you control him by always demanding something from him. If you express the request to do something in an unusual way or at specific moments, he may think that you want to control him.
For example, if you ask him to wash the dishes while he watches the game or sends him to the store while he is with friends.
Such requests in specific moments can arouse frustration and anger in him.
4. Your Husband Thinks You Treat Him Like a Child
Sometimes husbands can feel like children if you treat them that way. For example, if you address him in a criticizing or condescending tone.
If these behavior patterns are repeated, the reason for anger can be justified.
5. He Feels Stressed or Overwhelmed
Sometimes we all have many personal problems, and the little things can overwhelm us. In such moments, we can get angry about ordinary things.
Because of this, your husband can get angry if you ask him to do something. He may be overwhelmed with problems at work, so the additional tasks he requires are another source of stress.
Communicating these feelings and knowing what is hidden behind them is essential.
6. Your Husband May Have Anger Management Issues
Research from the United States (2015) showed that men and younger people more often have problems with anger.
So, your husband also may have a problem with expressing and controlling emotions, manifesting outbursts of anger for every little thing.
People with these problems still don’t know how to address issues adequately, don’t understand their feelings, and must find a way to channel them.
If this is the case, your partner must know he can seek professional help. A psychotherapist can help him learn his emotions and work on controlling his anger.
You can help him by trying to understand how he feels and supporting him in solving the problem.
7. He Is Dissatisfied and Unfulfilled
We all enter marriage with certain expectations and beliefs. Sometimes, someone is disappointed and has a relationship they didn’t expect.
That can be the reason for additional frustration and dissatisfaction, manifesting through anger over little things.
When your husband gets angry when you ask him to do something, ask yourself if there is dissatisfaction with your relationship and if the unfulfillment is hiding in the background.
However, your husband doesn’t necessarily have to be unhappy in your relationship. He can be dissatisfied with work, friends, and personal things and then project his anger into your relationship.
8. You Both Have Poor Communication Skills and Need to Learn How to Communicate What You Want
And finally, there is a possibility that both of you have poor communication skills and find it challenging to express what you want.
In most cases, this is what the problem is.
That is why it’s important to learn specific rules of assertive communication that will help you understand each other better and be more satisfied.
How to Deal With a Husband Who Gets Angy When You Ask Him to Do Something?
If your husband often gets angry when you ask him to do something, try some of the tips below. That way, you will help him and yourself face emotions and express them adequately. Here are some essential tips:
Communicate Clearly With Your Husband
When you ask your husband to do something, be clear about what you want him to do. Use a calm and respectful tone. Avoid making demands or using accusatory language that could be offensive. Criticism, demands, and accusations are destructive ways of communication and will not lead to a solution.
Be Open To Expectations
Set clear expectations about household responsibilities and agree on a plan to share the work. It can help avoid misreading and reduce the need for constant reminders.
Show Respect and Gratitude When He Does Something
Show appreciation and gratitude when your husband does what you ask. That can encourage him to do more of that in the future.
It’s desirable that you practice honest gratitude and respect for the other’s efforts. In this way, you build a stable relationship.
If He Is Angry, Talk Openly About It
Try to understand if your husband expresses dissatisfaction and anger when you ask him to do household chores.
That doesn’t mean his behavior is okay or that you should get over it. It just means listening to what he says is necessary to solve the problem.
Maybe one of the 8 reasons we wrote about above is behind such a reaction. To solve the problem, you must first talk about it without insulting each other.
Seek Professional Help
It may be helpful to seek professional help if your husband’s anger is persistent and affecting your relationship. Individual therapy, couples therapy, or anger management counseling may be valuable.
Keep in mind: communication is vital to a healthy marriage. Talk honestly with your husband about how his behavior affects you. Find a solution that works for both of you.