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Why My Husband Doesn’t Want to Spend His Birthday With Me? 3 Reasons

Sometimes a man wants a night out with his friends, and sometimes that night is his birthday. Should you be upset if your husband doesn’t want to spend his birthday with you? Well, actually, you should. 

Husband yells at wife

He can spend any other night with his friends, and you, his wife, should be on top of his list of priorities. 

Why would a happily married guy want to spend his birthday without his wife? Even if you two talked it over and agreed he spends his birthday without you, it is still weird. 

The real question, in this case, may not be why he wants to spend his birthday without you, but how did he come to want that in the first place? How do you feel about that? 

Do you really care, or do you feel hurt?

It is normal to feel hurt in such a situation. And, although one gesture does not speak about the quality of the entire marriage, it does speak about the respect and type of relationship between two people.

It is completely irrelevant how your husband spends his birthday. What matters is how you feel about it and what you will do to improve the quality of your relationship if that is what you want.

3 Reasons Why Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Spend His Birthday Without You 

Maybe you don’t celebrate the same holidays, but you do celebrate birthdays

Birthdays are when the people who love us tell us and show it specially, regardless of whether we like to celebrate them in a large or selected company. 

For children, a birthday is a day when all their wishes come true. For us adults, it is a day when we enjoy the attention of our neighbors. So, why does your husband choose not to spend his birthday with you? 

1. He is immature 

Suppose you have always been the responsible one in your relationship, the one who takes care of all the adult stuff. In that case, your husband may have enjoyed being treated like a child. 

In such a relationship, when one partner acts as a child, the other doesn’t have much choice but to take on all the responsibilities that put him in the position of a parent. 

And then, when you get married and have kids, you become a mother both to your kids and to your husband

You don’t really have the time to think through how he behaves because there are always so many things you need to do. 

He never even tries to act as an adult and take on his part of household chores, and you are so burdened you don’t even have the time to get mad. 

So, you start acting like his mother, and he starts treating you like his mother

And so, the day comes when he comes to you to ask you to spend his birthday with his friends, just like a kid asks his mother to go out and play with other boys. 

Is this really the man you want to spend your life with? The very fact he doesn’t find it necessary to share family responsibilities with you would be a deal-breaker for a woman with dignity. Where is your self-respect? 

2. He Needs a Change 

Maybe you’ve been married for a long time, and you’re used to always doing things the same way. 

You know each other very well, and you have no doubts about his love and loyalty. However, you were a little surprised when he told you he wanted to spend his birthday without you

If nothing else has changed in his attitude towards you lately, you probably have nothing to worry about. Maybe he wants to remember his youth, to experience something different from what he is used to. 

You can arrange to celebrate his birthday together in a no less special way on the same day before he goes out. And maybe it’s a good idea to refresh your everyday life and relationship.

3. He Doesn’t Respect You

Angry couple arguing at home

Suppose your relationship has been routine for a long time, and you are used to always being the partner who invests more in the relationship. 

In that case, it is very likely that your husband simply does not care enough about you. 

The thing is, if you don’t have enough self-esteem, people feel it, and if they don’t really love you, they will abuse it. 

It probably suits your husband perfectly that someone else takes care of his family life while he takes care of himself in peace. 

Remember exactly when you gave up on yourself and your needs in your relationship, and you will understand why your husband does not want to spend his birthday with you. 

You’re not important enough to him, and maybe even worse, he thinks that’s okay and that you should live with it.

4 Ways to Handle a Husband Who Doesn’t Want to Spend His Birthday Together 

You’ll harm your relationship if you let your husband’s decisions influence how you view yourself. It doesn’t imply you’re not loving, valuable, or worthwhile if he chooses to ignore you.

Find ways to respect and love yourself so you can see yourself as God does, rather than depending on your husband to give you a positive self-image. 

You are gorgeous, intelligent, eccentric, humorous, and creative. You deserve to be in a marriage that makes you happy and encourages you to accept yourself as you are. 

You deserve a lover who is happy to see you and wants to spend time with you.

Your husband may even be deeply in love with you. After all, he is married to you. The issue is that he values other aspects of his life over you. He doesn’t have time for you. 

Can you accept your husband exactly as he is, with his actions and decisions, without him changing?

Since you cannot alter who he is. You can do a few things to gain his attention without coercing or manipulating him. Still, unless he genuinely wants to change, you won’t be able to alter his personality, way of life, or habits.

1. Identify the goals you have for your marriage

Your partner has clarified what he expects from the relationship and how much time he is ready to devote to it. 

No matter how it makes you feel, he is making decisions and adhering to them. He’s establishing his limitations and boundaries.

You must take the same action! You must be clear about the kind of marriage you desire. You actually do possess the ability to influence your future. You must take control. Stop allowing your emotions to rule your actions.

2. Assume your husband won’t ever change

Don’t wish for and anticipate your guy to change; he won’t. People do change, and they can change, but only if they are driven. Only if they genuinely want to change and if they have a valid reason.

Your husband may put his career, friends, interests, or aspirations first for the rest of his life if he is now engrossed in them. 

Can you handle this? You must acknowledge that your partner doesn’t have time for you right now and probably won’t in the future too. 

Don’t continue to develop the relationship further out of expectation.

3. Make a life for yourself apart from your marriage

Create your own intriguing, meaningful, exciting life. This is the most crucial—and enjoyable—thing to do when your husband doesn’t spend enough time with you.

The following inquiries can help you discover who you are:

  • How is your life progressing?
  • Who do you hope to become?
  • What are your interests, likes, hobbies, and passions?
  • You’re happiest when? 

The greatest approach to dealing with a husband who doesn’t have time for you is to enjoy life (apart from when your guy is spending time with you). 

Discover life, be genuine, make your own decisions, and take chances… Be the person you were meant to be. Be spiritually and emotionally sound.

4. Express your feelings to your husband

woman talking with man in cafe

Be truthful. Share your feelings about how it makes you feel for him to spend all of his time working, socializing with friends, playing video games, or polishing his car. 

Say something along the lines of, “When you don’t spend time with me, I feel _(sad?) and _(lonely? )”. In my perfect relationship, we would be together for X number of weeknights or weekends.

How much time can your husband reasonably devote to your marriage? Weekly one date? 

Monthly for two hours? Be more precise. Allow him some room to breathe and be open with you. 

He’s not the guy you desire, so don’t make him feel guilty or ashamed. He has a motive for not wanting to hang out with you. 

Final Thoughts 

Birthday celebrations are completely personal; some people want to honor the event in front of their closest family members, while others would rather let it pass without a fuss. 

Let it go once you and your husband discuss your relationship. Avoid starting the same dialogue more than once. 

Telling your husband over and over that you feel lonely, lost, confused, unhappy, and upset because he doesn’t have time for you doesn’t help. 

He heard you the first time. 

He would change if he wanted to.