If your parents never call you and you wish they do, it is clear that you will feel sad about that.
Teenagers are often bothered when their parents call them too often, and then in some periods of life, it bothers us they don’t call.
Certainly, as adults, it is normal to want a stable, warm relationship with our parents.
Before you worry, it would be a good idea to think about some questions:
- Do you particularly miss your parents during this period for some reason?
- Do they know that you would like them to call you more often?
- Have you argued recently?
There are different kinds of families. Each family has its unique communication style and way of sharing feelings.
Some share more openly, while others are strict and reserved.
But, regardless of the type of family you grew up in, it is perfectly normal to need to have a relationship with them.
In this article, you will read a little about some types of mothers who never call their adult kids, and you’ll also find out more about the questions you should ask yourself to understand your relationship with your parents better.
3 Types of Mothers That Never Call Her Adult Child
Some parents are ready to abandon their child as soon as something goes wrong emotionally.
They may behave as though they have never been parents and never understand how much they hurt children.
1. Your Narcissistic Mother Never Calls You
A narcissistic mother can never accept that her child has a separate personality.
She will show love and affection as long as the child complies with her will.
But, the moment the child expresses their own will, the narcissistic mother is ready to abandon them—emotionally and physically.
2. Your Depressed Mother Stopped Calling You
Aging brings many challenges, and depression among the older population is not so rare at all.
If your mother has gone through some tough times recently, her natural reaction may be to withdraw and isolate.
She may believe that she will burden you with her sadness, so she decides it is better not to call you at all.
3. Your Mother Says She Forgets to Call You
Depending on your mother’s age and health status, this can be a real problem.
Forgetting to do things we once considered important might be an early sign of the onset of dementia.
Make sure you talk to your mother about this and check to see if this is due to the illness or if she has some other reasons for forgetting to call you.
If your parents are immature, and you always had a feeling you couldn’t rely on them throughout your childhood, that may indicate they are infantile.
In such a situation, the child must assume the role of an adult and take responsibility for decisions that he is not yet mature enough to make.
If you grew up feeling this way, don’t be surprised that even in their old age, your parents still expect you to take care of them, just like they always did.
What About Fathers Who Never Call?
Fathers who never call may rely on the mother to do so. But generally, why would we apply double standards for men?
Fathers have the same responsibility toward children, just like mothers, so all of the above applies to fathers too.
The only difference may be that you miss your mother more than your father or vice versa.
Do You and Your Parents Have the Same Expectations?
How parents and kids measure proximity and communication frequency may differ.
While parents prefer to converse on the phone, adult children may consider emails and texts to be forms of contact.
Parents may be content to check in once a week while the child may need daily communication.
The length of phone calls might also cause conflict. Shorter check-in phone conversations are OK for some people, but others prefer hour-long catch-up calls.
Have you discussed these expectations with your parents in words?
These expectations are completely unstated in some of the families I work with until one party feels harmed or excluded.
Instead of having an in-depth dialogue about what it means to stay connected to someone, parents or children may use strategies like guilting a person into calling more in the midst of distress.
Find a neutral moment and politely request cooperation to reach an understanding. Instead of focusing on what your parent does or doesn’t do, talk about what you need.
Some people believe their parents should be solely responsible for upholding the connection.
Whether or not that attitude of entitlement is warranted, the fact remains that it has the potential to destroy what might otherwise be a rewarding, mutually beneficial relationship.
Treat your connection with your parents like you would with a friend, expecting effort from both parties to stay in touch, get together, and connect.
Do My Parents and I Have a Lot to Share?
Having familial links does not ensure that different generations would be close.
The hobbies, attitudes, beliefs, occupations, relationships, and friends that children develop may or may not reflect those of their parents.
Both parents and kids may suffer significantly as a result of the separation.
Find a shared ground. Does your child like cooking as much as you do? Are you both bookworms?
Are both of you baseball fans? Find the topics that bring you together.
Also, keep in mind that remoteness may not be a permanent feature of the relationship but rather a consequence of the life stage.
Parents and kids may discover that at certain times during their lives like right before a child is born, they bond more quickly than at other times.
This pattern is typical and consistent with the ebb and flow of life.
Does my relationship with my parents still have any unresolved issues?
If there is unresolved pain, parents might not call as frequently.
Minimizing the severity of their suffering can be simple since children may perceive these old problems as unimportant.
If you don’t hear from your parents as frequently as you’d want or your connection isn’t as you’d like it to be, there may be some old scars that need healing.
The fact that parents and children invariably remember childhood experiences through entirely different lenses makes dealing with these wounds difficult at times.
The child might only remember their parent’s aloofness when they got home from school, while the adult may recall their own worry, weariness, and financial worries.
Be willing to talk about any open wounds, if any exist. Instead of responding or offering an explanation, listen to your child to understand what they are going through.
Although their recollections will differ from yours, every one of you had real childhood experiences.
Making time for this process might be challenging, given everything parents do for their kids.
However, enhancing a connection demands respecting and accepting the other party’s experience and reality.
In The End, How Do You Express Your Needs?
Sometimes, a specific communication pattern persists out of habit, but both parties find it difficult to break free of it.
When a child feels distant from their parents, they may use guilt to persuade them to make more phone calls.
They can remark something like, “I feel so lonely when you don’t call,” and then blame the parent for their mental state.
Another example of comparison is, “You call my brother every week; why can’t you call me too?”
While guilt frequently has short-term success, it sows unhappiness and detachment in the long run.
The parent may become angry at the maneuver and withdraw, which causes the parent to reverse course.
The parent may resent the strategy and withdraw, prompting the child to revert to guilt to reestablish contact.
It might be time to speak to your parents differently now.
Parents may need to admit their previous behavior while elaborating on how their actions are motivated by their intense love for the child.
They may need to reconsider how they want to be involved in their child’s life.