It can never be entirely your fault that your brother never contacts you, nor can it be completely your brother’s fault that he feels no need to contact you.
Why your brother never contacts you can never be explained simply, in just a couple of words.
That’s because the dynamics of family relationships are never simple and depend on many interconnected factors.
To make the situation more accessible, we will help you understand everything that could have led to such estranged relations between you and your brother.
Suppose it hurts you deeply that your brother never contacts you, and you hope and wish that your relationship could eventually change.
In that case, you should know that as long as you are both alive, there is hope to mend your broken relationship.
When at least one of you honestly wishes to get closer, there is always a way to improve communication and reestablish the lost connection.
In this article, you will find reasons why your brother never contacts you, understand better what could have led to such a situation between you, and learn how you can try to restore your connection with him.
4 Reasons Why Your Brother Never Contacts You
You don’t want to overstep boundaries, but you also don’t want to come to terms with not having any contact with your brother.
However responsible or not you may feel for your relationship with your brother, the fact is your parents are the first persons who shape the relationship between you.
Literally, every aspect of your relationship with your brothers depends on how your parents treated the two of you, how they taught you to treat your brother, what they taught you about family connections, and so on.
Depending on the age difference, your parents may have found it hard to balance the relationship between kids.
Some parents don’t even consider or acknowledge their role in kids’ relationships.
They just take it for granted. So, let’s take a closer look at the most common reasons behind the severed family ties.
1. Your Brother Has Always Been Jealous of You
It is natural for an older child to feel great fear of losing their parents’ love when a younger child is born.
After the birth of a younger child, the older child becomes extremely jealous.
The younger the child is, the harder it is for him to understand that his parents will not stop loving him because another baby has arrived in the home.
In such a situation, it is the absolute responsibility of the parents to comfort the older child and to make the arrival of a brother or sister as less stressful as possible.
Suppose the parents completely shift their focus to the younger child while completely neglecting the older child’s needs.
In that case, there is no chance that the older child will ever wholeheartedly accept the younger child.
It is a particularly disastrous situation when parents compare their children in such a way that the comparison is always to the detriment of the same child.
Even as adults, fully matured persons, and formed personalities, siblings raised in an atmosphere of competition and comparison will always feel a dose of hostility and competitiveness towards each other.
A relationship full of rivalry and competition isn’t rewarding for everyone involved, especially when it lasts a lifetime.
Maybe it seems to your brother that the only way to end that eternal competition is to have as little contact with you as possible.
It can also be his defense mechanism.
Of course, you should understand that even though he’s grown up, and even though, as adults, we are fully responsible for what we feel and do, in this case, things aren’t quite that simple, and you can’t blame your brother for feeling that way around you.
What You Can Do:
An honest conversation may seem impossible for you, especially if you have never been too close to your brother.
Suppose rivalry is the central theme in your relationship.
In that case, the good news is that you can give up on the constant competition and start showing that you are genuinely interested in your brother’s well-being.
It may take some time, but if you stay persistent and consistent, you will find a way to his heart.
2. You Never Had a Chance to Connect with Realy Connect
Some people just grew up without intimacy.
When two such people meet and fall in love, they create a family in which the atmosphere is cold and distant.
People who do not have the experience of warmth in their homes have a tough time realizing that they lack it and are rarely able to pass on a different pattern to their children.
Suppose you and your brother grew up in a distant atmosphere, in a home without spontaneous expressions of love, sincere closeness, warmth, attention, or touch.
In that case, it is quite expected that you did not even manage to develop a mutual relationship.
It is also normal that your brother may have wanted to distance himself from your family.
Precisely because, at some point in his life, he realized that family can be different and that it is simply easier for him to distance himself from everything that reminds him of that old one.
And that means he distances himself from you.
In this case, you probably also feel that you should have a different relationship.
Still, it is strange and uncomfortable to expect anything from him.
Also, the fact that you never actually had a relationship probably hurts you more than the fact that you have no contact today.
What You Can Do:
In this case, it’s not about the two of you needing to fix your relationship. It’s about getting to know each other and establishing a relationship you’ve never had.
It requires goodwill on both sides, but one of you has to start. The relationship between brother and sister is based on shared memories.
If you don’t have shared memories, you have nothing to go back to revive the connection because the connection was never established in the first place.
But it’s never too late to make memories together.
After all, why should you suffer because of your parents’ mistakes?
3. Your Brother Won’t Talk to You Because of His Wife
Love is blind and often makes us do crazy things. Sometimes love makes us not talk to our own brother.
No matter how much you blame your brother’s wife in this situation, and no matter how true it is that she doesn’t want you to talk to your brother, the very fact that your brother listened to her says that there were some problems in your relationship before which you may not have been aware of.
His wife is probably just an excuse for him to do something he’s always wanted to do.
And the reason why he agreed so easily could be some old grudge against you that he never got over.
What You Can Do:
You can always be the bigger person if you feel you are strong enough for such a performance.
If you are angry too because of the way your brother decided to treat you, you have every right to show him how you feel.
If he refuses to have anything to do with you, you have no choice but to let go.
4. Your Brother Never Asks About You
Maybe you actually have a relationship with your brother.
Still, the relationship is one-sided in the sense that your brother never asks about you and only contacts you when he needs something from you.
Maybe your parents somehow managed to spoil your brother but didn’t repeat the same mistake with you.
So, now, your brother feels entitled to get everything he needs from you without ever offering anything in return.
He is probably just immature and sees you as yet another grown-up who can handle their own problems, so why would he even bother asking about you when you can do everything without help from anyone.
What You Can Do:
An open conversation may be all you need to have in this case. It won’t change your relationship overnight, but it will point both of you in the right direction.
You can also experiment and ask your brother to do you a favor of some kind just to see how confused he will be.
To Summarize – What You Need to Know If You Want to Improve Your Relationship With Your Brother
Behaving like a child can not bring the changes you aim at. Remember that your parents played a huge part in the quality of your relationship with your brother.
You may have the feeling that you need to fix something that you didn’t brake.
And that feeling is utterly correct.
But you are not looking for someone to blame. You are looking to connect with someone who shares half of your DNA.
Forget about pride, revenge, and similar childish cravings. If you want to connect with your brother, you must do that as an adult.