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My Boyfriend Tells Me to Shut Up When I Cry – Is That Acceptable?

“Shut up” is one of the worst things we can hear from anyone we’re trying to have a conversation with, especially from a partner in a relationship.

It is usual for partners to argue, and often, harsh words are also used in this exchange of arguments.

When you are very emotional, vulnerable, and hurt, your boyfriend in such situations wants to silence you as quickly as possible, which hurts you even more.

Why does your boyfriend tell you to shut up when you cry? Because he doesn’t want to deal with your emotions, he may gaslight you, feel embarrassed, or lack empathy.

Angry couple arguing at home

While some may argue that telling a partner to “shut up” during an argument is just a heated moment, it can be a sign of emotional abuse.

You love your boyfriend, but his behavior like this makes you question your relationship and whether you can endure it much longer.

This article will explore the reasons behind such behavior, address its acceptability, and provide solutions.

5 Main Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Tells You to Shut Up When You Cry

In addition to being very hurtful, when your boyfriend shuts you up, you also feel like he’s belittling your feelings.

Why does it bother him so much when you cry? Here are the possible reasons:

1. It is His Defense Mechanism

When you cry, your boyfriend automatically assumes it’s because of something he did or didn’t do.

Instead of talking to you about your emotions, he decides to go into defense mode.

Your boyfriend’s defense mechanism is to shut you down when you get emotional and cry.

Is he hiding something so he needs to over-defend himself? Or does he take everything as criticism of himself, even if it’s not necessarily directed at him?

Is he shifting the blame from himself this way?

Instead of taking responsibility for his actions, your boyfriend blames you because you cry.

2. Your Boyfriend Gaslights You

Gaslighting is an emotional abuse in which one person in a relationship manipulates another into doubting their own feelings, perceptions, and sanity.

In moments of emotional distress, your boyfriend’s response might not always be what you expect. Instead of allowing you to express your feelings, he may dismiss them by saying there’s no reason to cry and that the situation isn’t a big deal.

Gaslighters often downplay their partner’s feelings and concerns. They might say things like, “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re overreacting” to make the girlfriend feel like her emotions are invalid.

He wants you to doubt your valid reasons for crying. Even to make you feel guilty for crying. This is typical gaslighting and emotional manipulation.

3. He Feels Embarrassed When You Cry

Shamed in the sense that he’s sorry for doing something that made you cry, or is it something else?

It’s something else, especially if you cry in front of others.

Your boyfriend perceives public crying as embarrassing and tells you to stop.

Although it may not be ideal to cry in front of others and make a scene, it’s still better than bottling up intense feelings. Not for your boyfriend, who cares more about other people’s opinions and does not want to be embarrassed because of you.

4. Your Boyfriend Lacks Empathy

Your boyfriend makes every situation worse instead of comforting you.

Some individuals struggle with empathy, making it difficult to understand and connect with their partner’s emotions.

This lack of empathy can lead your boyfriend to dismissive or hurtful comments when you are in distress.

Do you feel like your boyfriend lacks empathy towards you specifically, or does he also exhibit this behavior towards his family and friends?

5. He Doesn’t Want to Get Emotionally Connected to You

Why is your boyfriend not interested in an emotional relationship with you?

Serious relationships come with ups and downs and many emotions that deepen bonds.

This is the problem: your boyfriend avoids deep conversations and support, preventing a stronger emotional connection.

Remember that if your boyfriend behaves like this, he is only in a relationship because of your body and does not want a committed relationship.

What Should You Do When Your Boyfriend Shuts You Up When You Cry?

Although you may not pay too much attention to this at first, it is evident that this behavior bothers you immensely when you come across this article.

This behavior can also be characterized as emotional abuse, so you mustn’t ignore it and expect your boyfriend to stop doing it on his own.

Here’s what you need to do:

Tell Your Boyfriend How You Feel

Your boyfriend may not like talking about feelings and emotions, but he needs to listen to you now.

Have an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about how his words make you feel. Avoid accusing him, but express your emotions and thoughts calmly.

It is best to have this conversation when you are not crying but when the situation is calm so that he can understand you better.

Seek Understanding from Him

What kind of relationship is there in which there is no understanding on the part of the partner?

Understanding and empathy are the main pillars of any relationship.

When your boyfriend sees you crying, should his first reaction be, “What’s wrong, babe?” not “Shut up!”

Set Boundaries

Your boyfriend’s behavior bothers you and hurts you even more than what you were crying about.

Let your boyfriend know what you expect regarding emotional support and communication during tough times. It’s undoubtedly not silencing and neglecting your feelings.

In Conclusion – Is it Acceptable For Your Boyfriend to Shut You Up When You Cry?

No, it is unacceptable for a partner to tell you to shut up.

Communication is essential to any healthy relationship, and telling someone to be quiet shows a lack of respect and consideration for their feelings.

You have the right to express your feelings, and your boyfriend should not restrict you.

Let your boyfriend know how you feel and that this kind of behavior on his part is not acceptable.

If your boyfriend continues to behave disrespectfully and hurtfully despite your attempts to address it, you may need to evaluate whether the relationship is worth maintaining.